10 Reasons Why BuzzFeed Should Hire Me As A Fellow

Come on, Buzz. You need me as much as I need you, and here's why.

1. I am a '90s kid and I love cats.

I assume those are prerequisites to working at the Buzz, so here's a photo of them happening simultaneously. I didn't learn to keep my eyes open in pictures until the early 2000s.

2. I take funny business very seriously.

I'm currently enrolled in sketch comedy writing classes at the Upright Citizens Brigade, where we've had an actual classroom discussion on why The Lonely Island's hit "Jizz In My Pants" is laugh-inducing.

3. I know your IT wizard, Eugene.

But more importantly, I've seen him sing karaoke to a room full of homeless people while wearing a BuzzFeed sweatshirt. We volunteer together each Thanksgiving feeding the homeless, but that moment was definitely the most rewarding.

4. I am resourceful, even in times of crisis.

This one time I got cancer and dealt with it by starting a t-shirt line featuring my bald head. I sold more than 200 of them and donated a portion of the money to the Lymphoma/Leukemia Society.

5. There are over a hundred words that rhyme with my last name.

Which means you can get creative when asking me to do things around the office. For example, "I like my coffee black, Chack." or "Get me those copies or don't bother coming back, Chack."

6. I've always been a hard worker, and I've always hated praise.

This is a photo of me circa 1996, when I was awarded "Student of the Week" by my peers. I created this mask/pillow combination to hide my shame.

7. I recently took a 10,097 mile, 25 state, cross-country drive in a 2001 Toyota Camry.

So I know a lot about careful planning, patience, and beef jerky.

8. I am constantly creating things, sometimes at the expense of my own family.

When I moved home after college I turned my family's backyard into the most awesome skateboard living room. Me and some friends built this ramp and these pieces of "skurniture" in one summer. If I use my creative talents at BuzzFeed, my family can have their backyard back. Do it for Dad!

9. I already spend a significant portion of my day on BuzzFeed.

So it would be a pretty easy transition.

10. I am confident I would be the best Fellow you've ever hired.

Or at least that's what my mom says. Don't tell her I used this photo.