1. This is David Mitchell. He embodies almost everything the internet feels.
Your disguise is impeccable.
2. He leads a life similar to the average internet user.
3. He does everything we do on the internet.
If I ever do anything else besides being sarcastic on the internet, something is seriously wrong, and you should alert everyone around me.
4. He’s always peeved at everyone and their idiocy.
Ah, just like me reading comments on YouTube.
5. He loves food the most.
It’s like you looked into my soul and found exactly my greatest desire and put it into words.
6. Human contact is not among his favorite activities.
Come on, Jack, you know this about him.
7. He understands the importance of honesty.
Preach it, David.
8. He has a full and vibrant sexual life.
I’m pretty sure everyone on Reddit completely gets you, David.
9. His level of apathy is beautiful.
This may be the most useful GIF you find all day.
10. He understands the fine line between stalking and liking.
It’s really perfectly fine to keep someone’s page up and refresh it several times a day…right?
11. He says what we’re all feeling.
No messages for three days? It’s fine, my internet is my best friend anyway.
12. His life philosophies speak directly to the internet’s soul.
After so long on Reddit and Tumblr you begin to just not care anymore about all the bits of your soul that have definitely died off.
13. He understands the pain of actually going out and being with people.
Ugh, leaving my computer sucks so much.
14. He understands the way of the world.
Ah that dry sarcastic humor. It’s enviable, really.
15. He’s politically minded, just like the internet.
Everyone on every computer agrees, David.
16. He’s not afraid to get a little saucy.
You’re such a minx, its like being on Tumblr before Yahoo bought it.
17. He is incredibly affectionate.
“You’re an adequate human being!”
18. He knows if you didn’t blog it, it didn’t happen.
Did people actually exist before blogs?
19. He knows how to blend in perfectly in real life.
Gotta make them think you’re a normal in the real world.
20. He understands fashion and the latest trends.
That tea cozy is really working for you, David.
21. He’s not afraid to rebel against norms.
Admittedly this is 10 years after he’s graduated university, but still! You stick it to the man, David!
22. His understanding of science rivals Neil deGrasse Tyson’s.
His sarcasm rivals our own.
23. He is not a fan of clubbing.
Or social interaction in general, really. I mean, I commented on an AskReddit post today. Isn’t that enough social interaction for, like, a month?
24. He’s a feminist.
He supports all the ladies and their choices in the restroom. I bet he even did a feminist rant on Tumblr once.
25. He thinks about the important things.
It’s like night blogging on Tumblr and Imgur.
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