What Your Mum Says Vs What She Actually Means

“I thought you might like these jeans.”

1. “Would you like to come over for dinner on Sunday?”

What she actually means: “You’re coming over for dinner on Sunday.”

2. “I never got into trouble like that when I was in school.”

 

What she actually means: “Because I never got caught, suckers. Lol.”

3. “I never smoked when I was your age.”

What she actually means: “I never smoked cigarettes at your age. Lol.”

4. “Do you want to take a sweater?”

Cosby Show / yumidirect.co.uk

What she actually meant: “You’re going to freeze your tits off. Take. The. Sweater.”

5. “I just need to run in and exchange this shirt.”

What she actually means: “I need to exchange this shirt, but then find a replacement, and I probably didn’t bring the receipt, so this is actually going to take like, an hour. Oh wait, is there a sale on? Need to look at that too. Soz.”

6. “He always seemed like such a nice guy.”

What she actually means: “I could tell he was an asshole immediately.”

7. “When I met your dad, things moved pretty fast, too.”

Paramount Pictures

What she actually means: “You were conceived in the back of a Ford Escort before we were married.”

8. “Did you get my friend request on Facebook?”

FOX

What she actually means: “I know you’re ignoring me. ADD ME.”

9. “Do you ever hear from Simon any more?”

What she actually means: “YOU SHOULD HAVE NEVER BROKEN UP WITH SIMON, YOU FOOL.”

10. “Do you ever hear from Gemma any more?”

WB

What she actually means: “Gemma was such a shit friend. Please tell me you never talk to her.”

11. “Do you have a blog website?”

What she actually means: “I’ve found your secret Tumblr and read it on the regular.”

12. “Your sister showed me some pictures on Facebook.”

What she actually means: “I just hacked into your Facebook account and stalked everyone you know. I KNOW ALL.”

13. “That Beyoncé really knows her stuff.”

Cartoon Network / youtube.com

 

What she actually means: “I get down to ‘Yoncé’ while I’m driving.”

14. “I’m thinking about visiting on your birthday.”

What she actually means: “I have already booked my tickets so cancel all of your plans lol.”

15. “You were too good for him.”

WB

What she actually means: “I know exactly how you feel. And you really were too good for him.”

16. When she sends you this in a text:

What she actually means: “Can you call me, please? Also, I’ve discovered emojis.”

17. “All sexuality is fluid.”

What she actually means: “Boy, do I have a story about my youth that you’re never going to want to hear!”

18. “Do you want a lift?”

What she actually means: “You’re running hideously late. Hurry up.”

19. “That’s a really nice outfit. Are you sure you don’t want a coat?”

What she actually means: “Take this cagoule or else you’ll get soaked wet through within five minutes. TRUST ME.”

20. “Have you been in touch with your brother?”

WB

What she actually means: “WHERE IS HE WE HAVEN’T HEARD FROM HIM IN LIKE A MONTH.”

21. “I’m having some problems with my mobile.”

What she actually means: “Please book a ticket home so you can change my phone background immediately.”

22. “I thought you might like these jeans.”

SNL / Giphy

What she actually means: “I bought these jeans for myself and they didn’t fit so now they’re yours.”

23. “Everything is going to be fine. Call me if you need anything.”

HBO / giphy.com

What she actually means. “Everything is going to be fine. I also know that when you call me you’re going to ask for money.”

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