1. Getting the roofrack of your large, suburban vehicle stuck in the Waitrose car park.
2. Your friends act like you live on the actual moon and therefore never come over, and you’re all like:
Zone 6 isn’t the end of the world, guys.
4. When you fall asleep on the Tube, you end up in Cockfosters. When you live in the suburbs and you fall asleep on the train, you could wake up in bloody Glasgow.
5. And when you miss the last train home, you might as well just curl up and die.
6. Because getting a taxi home is basically going to cost as much as your mortgage.
7. You quite often will find dead things in your garden.
(But at least you have a garden. TAKE THAT HIP CITY DWELLERS.)
9. When you read about new, hip restaurants that are going to change the way people eat and drink forever and they are nowhere near you. EVER.
11. There are many young families in the suburbs, but unfortunately these people have large prams and THINK THEY OWN THE PATH.
12. All the kids have scooters!
13. And the adults are on kids’ scooters!
14. AND THERE ARE EVEN OLD LADIES ON SCOOTERS.
15. The cafés are full of students checking Facebook and pretending to study so you can’t have your overpriced coffee and croissant in peace.
16. The local nightclubs are of a unique calibre.
17. Unfortunately for you, everyone knows your name. The man at the curry restaurant sends you a Christmas card. The lady from the kebab shop gave you a wedding present.
“Hi I’d like to order a… yes, yes it’s me. Yes the usual. Do you need me postcode – no of course you don’t…”
18. This is your local independent cinema*:
*not at all