1. When people on Twitter complain endlessly about their horrible morning commute.
And then do the same thing eight hours later during their commute home.
2. And you feel pretty smug that when it snows or the trains are a mess, your commute consists of a walk down the hallway.
IN YO’ FACE, OFFICE PEOPLE.
3. And then you realise that you actually never get to have a snow day. :(
4. Or a sick day.
The closest you can get is watching a film and drinking a Lemsip while you monitor work on your iPad.
6. But your amazing work-from-home office dress code looks something like this.
7. And the only form of office drama you have to deal with is this.
8. When people ask about your “home office” you make it sound like this.
“Yeah I got a lot of ideas from Pinterest on space-saving and organisation.”
9. But your workspace at home actually just looks like this.
11. And if you’re out of your pyjamas by noon, you’re basically winning at life.
12. Your productivity levels are through the roof compared to your in-office colleagues.
Or, if you don’t have in-office colleagues, basically any other person you know.
14. Your “lunch break” consists of walking to the kitchen, grabbing whatever food is readily available, and then walking back to your computer.
Even if the only thing available is a packet of Hobnobs or lone cashew.
15. You play the “how long can I hold my pee before getting up from my desk” game a lot longer than you would in an office.
16. Your family tend to act like you’re unemployed or somehow don’t have a “real job”.
I DO THINGS TOO. I AM AN IMPORTANT PERSON.
17. You feel like people judge you when you say you wake up at 8 a.m., even if it’s because you don’t have a commute and can make your own work schedule.
SORRY FOR SLEEPING.
18. And you also work insane hours because, hey, you’re never really out of office.
Working at 3 a.m.? Totally normal. This is my “creative time”.
19. When you have house guests they tend to forget that just because you’re home doesn’t mean you don’t have work to do.
“Morning! Here’s a towel for the shower, coffee’s in the pot, please don’t speak to me for the rest of the day and pretend I’m not here BYE!”
20. People will also just drop by if they’re in the neighbourhood because they know you’re home.
Them: “Let’s do lunch!”
You: “Oh sure it’s not like I was doing anything of importance anyway.”
21. Unfortunately, when anyone calls the house or knocks on the door, you are HOME and therefore ANSWER.
“FOR FUCK’S SAKE NO I DO NOT WANT TO TAKE ABOUT THE LIFE AND LOVE OF JESUS CHRIST.”
22. And you’re convinced your neighbours think you’re unemployed and spend all day watching daytime television because you’re always home.
24. But if you’re expecting something you live in constant fear that the moment you need to shower or take a poop the doorbell will ring.
“JUST A MINUTE! JUST A SECOND! BE RIGHT THERE DEAR GOD PLEASE WAIT.”
25. And you also end up serving as a parcel collection service for your neighbours because UPS have figured out you’re basically always in.
“Hi. Me again. Signed for this. You’re welcome.”
27. Cake and a card from your co-workers on your birthday?
29. Colleagues? Er…
You have colleagues if you work remotely… but mostly you’re just all alone.
30. You can go hours, if not days without actually ever needing to speak.
31. And you’ve developed some strange habits that seem totally normal until your partner comes home and they’re like, “OK so let’s maybe get you out of the house?”
32. Case in point, you sometimes have to be reminded to leave the house.
33. And going outside means you might have to actually TALK TO PEOPLE.
34. But you’ve noticed that the only people around in the middle of the day are pensioners, stay-at-home mothers, and babies.
And they definitely have no interest in talking to you either.
35. You sometimes decide to TREAT YO’SELF by going to work from Starbucks for the morning.
Ooooh change of environment = good for creativity.
36. But the Wi-Fi will be down or (even worse) all the seats with plugs will be taken by men with headphones on, hunched over their Macbook Airs while they develop a game-changing app.
37. And then babies will start screaming, teenagers will start gossiping very loudly over Frappuccinos, and the plunky jazz music will send you over the edge.
MAKE IT STOP.