Nigella in a tuxedo. *swoons*
1. When she arrived at Isleworth Court with the fiercest IDGAF face the international press had ever seen.
Note the slight toss of the head. The un-flinching eyes. The unwavering steadfastness. All carried off with the grace of a gazelle and the ferocity of a lioness.
2. Every time she’s managed to be absolutely filthy in an incredibly classy way.
3. That time she flawlessly pulled off wearing a tuxedo while describing herself as a “kitchen klutz” in The Observer.
4. When she revealed that when she was younger she wanted to live in Italy so badly that she took a job as a chambermaid just so she could stay:
A chambermaid, you guys. A maid. Of a chamber.
5. When she spoke about feminism in a wonderfully logical fashion:
Women of my generation were keen – rightly – not to be tied to the stove, but the ramifications of this were that they felt a sense of dread in the kitchen. How can this be good for anyone? I also feel that to denigrate any activity because it has traditionally been associated with the female sphere is in itself anti-feminist.
6. That time she willingly covered her face in salted caramel and looked as ethereal as she did tasty.
7. When she wrote about her love of salted caramel and made eating salty, sweet, fatty food sound sexy and sensible.
Yes, there is balance, but it is in the most nutritionally unacceptable way possible: instead of banishing or even reducing these demons of the age – sugar, salt and saturated fat – we choose to have them in bold and loud harmony; they are all present and incorrect. Eating this Class A foodstuff in the form of a handful of salted caramel truffles, a slab of sea-salted milk chocolate or, another heady favourite of mine, a turtle sundae (think vanilla ice cream, salted syrup-sticky pecans, caramel and hot fudge sauce) is not so much breaking the rules as spectacularly flouting them.
8. When she thanked her #teamnigella supporters during the midst of Highella Gate.
10. When she managed to be both eloquent and stoical after her first husband, John Diamond, died in 2001:
“I am not against pity, but I have no desire to be tragic.”.
11. When, Nigella explained that while her family may have been beautiful (so beautiful!) and posh (so posh!) she actually had a rather tough childhood.
12. This is what Nigella had to say about her dad:
“I was doing A-levels he’d come home and since he didn’t like drinking alone would say, ‘Darling, come and have a drink with me while you’re doing homework, a whisky or a campari soda.’ So I did. Great upbringing, right?”
13. And this is what Nigella had to say about her “funny but depressed” mum:
“She’d shout at all of us and say, ‘I’m going to hit you till you cry,’ and so I never would cry. I still don’t. It wasn’t a calculated thing; it was hot-blooded hitting, a thrashing out of things…. She just didn’t like me; maybe because I came after Dominic the princeling and I was my father’s girl she was jealous, I don’t know.”
14. When she went swimming in this, and managed to pull it off somehow.
15. When she said this about losing weight:
But you know women find it very easy to persecute themselves over their weight and whenever I’ve said, ‘I ought to lose a bit of weight’, I can guarantee I’ll put it on. I love food and I love cooking, so therefore, I could never deprive myself.
16. Everytime she did something cheeky and displayed a remarkable level of self awareness, and made us feel like she was in on the joke.
The “joke” being how OTT fabulous she is, obvs.
17. Seeing pictures of her when she was 23 and realising she has literally always been a fox.
JUST LOOK AT HER!
18. But then, like a fine, sexy wine, Nigella just got better with age.
19. But ultimately, we knew Nigella was The Ultimate when she proved that in the face of all of this:
20. She could put on her game face, and face it head-on, like this:
COME AT ME, BRO.