Four Things I Learned About Relationships When I Was 25

Four things I learned about relationships, including the one with myself, when I was 25 that I am sure will change the quality of my time here in the world if I take them to heart:

1.Be patient.

Many things in life don't happen on a pre-planned schedule. With growing technology and the ability to have wants and desires satisfied within minutes, with just the swipe of your thumb, patience can be difficult. But it's important. Good things can be ruined when a person is not patient. Rome was not built in one day, and neither is a relationship. Relationships take time. It's hard to tell if it's the super unrealistic rom-coms of our generation or if it's just built into our female psyche, but I'll be the first to admit that I have, on more than one occasion, met a guy and immediately thought about whether or not I could see myself marrying him. I'm sorry, it just happens. So, naturally, especially when surrounded by other advanced relationships, it can be very difficult to step back and remind yourself that you've only been on three dates when you're wondering whether or not to bring him home for Christmas. However, it's important to know that relationships take time to develop, and if you don't give them that time and patience in the beginning, it can be detrimental to a relationship that could have been something great. It's also important to admit to yourself that it can be difficult to balance patience with perseverance. If you go on a first date the week before your sister's wedding, please don't invite him to come along and meet your whole family, even if you have a gut feeling that he is "the one". If you're right, he'll be at family occasions for years to come. However, if you've been dating for six months and you're still not sure if you're "official", then go ahead and ask. If he says he "doesn't like labels", let that guy go, immediately. He wasn't worth the patience in the first place. That brings me to my next point…

2.Don't settle.

Your mid-twenties can be tough for many reasons. One of those reasons is that it seems as though everyone around you is either getting engaged, married, or having a baby. And although you know this is not true, you feel like you are the only one who is not even close to any of these life events. But whatever you do, don't settle. If you settle for a relationship that is less than what you want or what you deserve, you will miss out on all of the wonderful opportunities out there. Instead, enjoy being single while you can. Once you find the one you're looking for, you can't do the following things:

-Put your number on a napkin and pass it to the cute guy at the other side of the bar

-Go on a horrible tinder date that will end up being the most fantastic story you tell your friends for years to come (wait, he did what??)

-Take a guy home from a bar and discuss every detail with your friends the next day over brunch

-Kiss a stranger in the rain, or in a bar, or in a cab, or in a museum

-Date more than one guy at once to see which one fits better

-Pretend to have a southern accent and get your redneck on with a guy from West Virginia just because you've always had a fascination with the country boy life.

-Keep a written record of all of the men you've kissed, slept with, etc. in a drawer in your nightstand.

-Walk out on a sunny day and step into Barnes and Noble and meet a great guy you'd like to meet up with for coffee.

So instead of holding onto a man just because you want to be in a relationship, enjoy being single. Revel in the mere possibility of stepping out of the house and meeting the love of your life. Even if it doesn't happen tomorrow, it will happen. And because life is a beautiful mystery, it can happen at any time, on any day. And that day could be today; that time could be now; and you don't want anyone standing in your way.

3.Go after what you want…and let go of what you don't want.

This takes courage, on both ends. Going after what you want comes along with fear of rejection, fear of failure, and fear of just falling short. However, even if you do fail, you will know for sure that it was not meant to happen in the first place. Sometimes a mistake, even if you have to make it more than once, is exactly what one needs in order to realize what they want and let go of what they don't want. And it's important to be honest with yourself. It's easy to hold onto something because sometimes it's good or because you think things might change. However, as much as it may hurt, be honest. Do you want the guy who tells you what you want to hear in order to keep you hanging by a thread, but then isn't there in the moments that really count? Do you want the job that looks good on paper and in your bank account, but doesn't offer any real satisfaction? If you're questioning it, then it's probably not right. And as difficult as it is to take the step to actually let go of these things, remember this: there are 168 hours in the week. An average of 40-50 hours or more are spent on your job. Another 50-60 are spent sleeping. That leaves 50 hours or less to yourself. If you are spending any or all of those 50 hours investing in a relationship that makes you feel less than what you know you are, it's not worth it. You need to live every part of your life for right now. Be selfish while you can and where you can be. Give only to two types of people: those people who can give you what you need in return, and those less fortunate who cannot help themselves. If someone does not fall into one of these categories, let them go. Now.

4.Just be happy.

This is so simple, but so difficult at the same time. With all the ups and downs of life, it's very easy to fall into a rut and focus on what it is in life that is disappointing you or causing stress. However, it's important to remember that it's a choice to be happy. No person or material or job can make you happy if you aren't willing to do it for yourself first. In life, there are disappointments. Things are not always going to go your way. You will be faced with adversity. However, the way you come out of it is what matters. You have to know how you can make yourself happy and sustain that happiness. Maybe it's a mantra you have to say every day to remind yourself. Maybe it's spending time alone to focus on things that make you smile, like reading or creating music. Whatever it is, find it, and make sure it comes from within. Do not rely on anyone else to find it or sustain it. True happiness is realizing that there are disappointments in life and that not every day will be perfect; yet remembering that there is still beauty in those days. Think of those days as if you accidentally took the wrong train while in a different city or country and you ended up seeing a part of the world that you never thought you would see before. Sure, you made a mistake, and eventually you have to correct it, but it happened for a reason. It's hard to see the beauty in the breakdown; however, when you do, it's really hard to stay mad.