2. You complain about prices.
We didn’t make them up. We also didn’t decide what we paid, or what you tip.
3. You don’t wait for your drink to be called.
Is this a small cappuccino? No, it’s a large iced latte. So, similar.
4. You order gross drinks that shouldn’t exist.
A large breve is 16oz of cream and espresso. Would you like your heart attack for here or to go?
5. You make a point of not going to Starbucks, then order in Starbucks lingo.
Can I get a grande mocha frappuccino? Why, yes, across the street at Starbucks.
6. You ask silly questions.
How big is an 12oz cup? There’s no way to answer that without making you feel like an idiot.
7. You don’t look at the menu till you get to the register.
The rest of the line hates you, too.
8. You stop for coffee when you’re running late to work, and you’re mad when things don’t move fast enough.
Too bad you can’t have this sweet barista gig with coffee at your fingertips.
9. You’re mad at me when the cafe is out of things like iced decaf or whipped cream.
You got me, I ate all the whipped cream and dumped the coffee down the drain.
10. You round to the next dollar on credit card tips.
A 16 cent tip?! That’s a solid 4 cents each for me and my coworkers, after taxes. Yay!
13. You ask why the customer ahead of you got a free coffee.
Hint: they always tip and/or I want to bang them.
14. You have dumb nicknames for coffee.
We don’t serve joe, java, brew, mud, or wakey juice. Can I interest you in coffee?