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First up, we've got Slovenia. Prlekija tünka is a speciality cured meat, preserved in wooden barrels, topped with lard. You probably won't be able to get hold of this, so just use any old ham from your fridge. It might be similar. Pretend it's similar.
Pour le second course, why not enjoy some brie on a roof slate? The longer this has been at the back of your fridge, the better. If you don't have a roof tile, try serving the brie in a beret. Très à la mode.
We're very much still on the appetisers, guys. And what better way to honour the irresistably smooth Nadav Guedj than with a big bowl of houmous?
Next up, Estonia's national culinary treat. Black pudding sausages with lingonberry jam. But I'm willing to bet any sausages and any jam will do just fine. Hot dogs and marmalade? It's the thought that counts.
Oh look, it's time for Great Britain. Try to echo the uncontrollable faux-vintage vibe of the British "Electro Velvet" entry with the naffest combination of fruit and cheese that you can poke a toothpick through.
When it comes to Armenian food, a lot of it seems to be wrapped up like incredible little parcels, like these Byorek. Improvise at home by wrapping something edible in something else edible.
In Lithuania, like in many European countries, borscht is a popular dish. If you aren't into beet boiling as party prep, why not just add pink food colouring to any semi-liquid foodstuff you can find, and serving it with a single potato?
Get into the Serbian spirit by eating an abundance of Pljeskavica, a ground up meat patty. I'm sure you've got a frozen burger somewhere in your freezer. Defrost and devour.
No way! We're already up to Norway and we're definitely not full yet... This course is easy. Get a cracker and eat leftovers from the other countries on top of it. It's called a Smørrebrød. Didn't you know?
It's time for Sweden's entry, Måns Zelmerlöw to take the stage. It was never going to be anything but meatballs at this point, was it?
This cheesy soup called Trahana is a Cypriot favourite, but Cyprus' song isn't long enough for you to have time to do it justice. So just chuck a bunch of cheese in a NutriBullet and see what comes out.
You could say that Australia's presence at the EUROvision Song Contest is a "Marmite" issue. You either love it or you hate it. But you're wrong. It is clearly a VEGEMITE issue. And I know you've got a crusty old jar of it in the back of your cupboard.
It's not time for pudding yet, but consider Belgium's entry your "pudding pre-lash".
Okay I lied, there's more pudding. Get hold of some soft, erotic apfelstrudel to accompany the soulful piano-man-in-a-hat stylings of this year's Austrian entry.
Cleanse your palate with some Olives as you bask in the glory of the Bond-theme-esque One Last Breath by Maria Elena Kyriakou. You've got olives in your fridge. Don't tell me you don't.
The people of Montenegro enjoy Kofte, a type of meatball. You probably have some Swedish meatballs left. They're not the same, but culinary accuracy has not been the aim of the game thus far, so...
Time for Germany now, and you'll need the rest of the sausage you didn't eat during Estonia's performance. Dig around in the fridge for some takeaway curry leftovers. Combine with the sausage, and ta-daa - totally authentic Currywurst.
Of the rich and varied Polish food landscape, the item you're most likely to have in your house is Ogórki kiszone, or pickles to you and me.
As an homage to Latvia's thriving dairy industry, and a complete contrast to the costume and set design of Latvia's Eurovision entry, why not create a cheese shrine?
If you're not speechless in response to bald, Romanian Darius warbling away on stage, you should take the time to enjoy this Romanian speciality, Mămăligă. It's a bit like polenta, but it looks just like instant mashed potato. So you can use that.
Celebrate Spain by eating chorizo slices straight from the packet and having a heated debate about the correct pronunciation of "tapas".
There's this incredible street food in Hungary called Lángos, which is basically deep fried bread, with garlic and cheese and sour cream. Improvise by finding something to fry and sprinkling cheese on top.
Just keep eating whatever cheesy fried mess you made for Hungary, and imagine you're eating fresh Khachapuri from Georgia.
They eat stuffed vine leaves and stuffed peppers in Azerbaijan, and you can definitely buy these from your local Turkish supermarket, so you've got no excuse with this one.
When you see a beautiful woman with a low-cut dress, it's only natural for your thoughts to wander to mayonnaise salad! This salad is really versatile and can have anything in it as long as it is smothered in mayonnaise.
Baklava is extremely popular in Albania, and it will be extremely popular at your party. Make an effort - buy at least one actual food item especially for your party. Don't JUST feed people grim leftovers.
Oh my god. You made it. I know what you need after 26 courses (most of which were meat or cheese). You need a really heavy, creamy dessert. Lucky for you, Italy is known for Tiramisu.
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