1. Rick’s Weird Lori Visions
Are we done with those yet? Because she was the worst character ever, and when she died the only reason anyone cried was because Rick cried and this is not a democracy so we have to cry when Rick cries. We are no longer in control of our emotions. Anyway, let’s go ahead and stop bringing pregnant Lori back. She made us uncomfortable when she was alive and now it’s even worse because we were forced to watch the miracle of life that was Judith’s repulsive birth.
2. Really Slow Zombies
Am I the only one that has caught on to the fact that probably the best way to avoid getting mauled by one of these terrible man-eating zombies that have wiped out more than half of the entire population is just to walk a little faster than them? Maybe a slow jog? I’m not 100% clear on why man-kind is losing so horribly. Maybe just put on some jeans and a heavy coat and STOP LEAVING THE PRISON.
3. Carl Grimes
First of all, what were his parents thinking naming their son Carl? Are they pilgrims? Do they even know what year it is? Oh wait, I forgot this show is trying to do all they can to make the people of the state of Georgia look like complete and total morons, and I guess that starts with the fact that the people there obviously name their kids Carl. Being from Georgia myself, I happen to know that we’ve got more kids named Jayden and Chloe than we know what to do with. Not a whole lot of Carls though. I gotta say, if we did have any Carls, they would probably turn out to be psychopaths. Which, lets be honest, Carl is. It probably doesn’t help that Lori is literally always losing track of him, and he is usually off in the worst place possible. Actually, that’s not true, because the worst place possible would mean he was dead, and for some unknown and ridiculous reason Carl is still alive.
4. The One-Eyed Governor
We’re supposed to hate this guy. So we do. And oh yeah, lets not forget that season 3 ends and he is STILL OUT THERE with his one good eye and those two dudes that are just kind of okay with the fact that he crazy murdered a large portion of the Woodberry people that he worked so hard to protect the entire season. Good job trying to kill him, literally everyone on the show. You can’t even take down a guy with an eye patch that I’m fairly certain is made out of an old wash cloth.
5. Carl’s Sheriff Hat
Remember how Carl’s parents are constantly being incompetent and, as a result, one of those times Carl gets shot because of it? We all do. Because Rick felt so bad that he gave Carl his favorite sheriff hat and now Carl NEVER takes it off. I mean never. And now Carl’s always like “Dad I’m a grown up and I’m just as capable as everyone else” and trying to make himself seem like he can go out and shoot walkers and squirrels with Daryl (and Daryl’s extremely capable arms, which in my opinion should be given their own television show). And it’s all because of that stupid hat.
6. The Fact That It Never Rains
Am I the only person to notice that it never rains during this apocalypse? I’m not sure if it makes any difference to the plot except that one time in the first season when it needed to rain because of the plot. But I’m pretty sure that’s the only time. Does it make a difference? I don’t know. Is all that nice weather a side effect of the zombie apocalypse? Probably not.
7. The Case of the Missing Sophia
Okay, I had no problem with the show dedicating a sickening amount of time to looking for a little girl who was very obviously dead. I was frustrated for a moment, but after a while I understood. She was bringing people together. Like Daryl and Carol, whose names adorably rhyme and who need to quit teasing us and just get together already. My point is, the group spent all their time and energy looking for Sophia, who could barley outrun an injured turtle, but the second they lost Andrea, Rick was all, “She’s gotta be around here somewhere. Nope? Must be dead. Let’s move on.”
8. The Fact that No One is Keeping Track of The Date
We all know that Dale was, but Carl went and got him killed and now no one in the prison will ever know when to celebrate Christmas. Carl ruined everything, but most importantly, Carl ruined Christmas.
9. When Andrea Totally Could Have Escaped the Chair Before Milton Bit Her But She Kept Stopping To Stare at Him For NO REASON
Of all the nail biting scenes in the season 3 finale, this was by far the most frustrating. She could have added at least 3 minutes to her wrench/handcuff escape attempt if she had just not spent so much time sitting there staring at Milton wondering if he was going to die. Um, yeah Andrea… He had been stabbed through the stomach by a crazy man with one eye. If you couldn’t understand what he was saying it’s because he was gargling up the blood from his own esophagus. He was definitely dying. And maybe you would still be alive if you hadn’t spent your last moments shootin’ the breeze with Milton instead of using your toes of steel to grab the wrench and wiggle your way out of those hand cuffs.