1. Thou Shall Not Get A Tattoo
A big jewish No-No since you can't be buried in a Jewish Cemetery. So if you have a tattoo, your mother won't be able to spend the rest of eternity with you, which to her, would be sadder than any death.
Mom's Reaction: They're also ugly and you won't be able to get a job.
2. Thou Shall Always Have A Girlfriend/Boyfriend
Here's a little Jewish Mom Math for you: No Dating = No Wedding = No Grandkids = Sad Jewish Mom.
Mom's Reaction: How am I supposed to know if you're dating or not? You never tell me anything.
3. Thou Shall Always Be Eating But Not Enough To Make You Fat
How dare you not have second helping of the Noodle Kugel but a third?! That's crazy!!
Mom's Reaction: I just don't want you to get fat or wither away. Sorry I care!
4. Thou Shall Always Come Home For The Holidays
I have a theory that Jewish Mothers can't be away from their kids for to long or something bad happens to them. Hence why there seems to be a Jewish Holiday every month.
Mom's reaction: God help me you better be coming home for Christmas*?
*Yes she said Christmas.
5. Thou Shall Get a Flu Shot Once A Year
She would be devastated if her baby got sick.
Mom's Reaction: No but really, did you get the flu shot?
6. Thou Shall Always Call Their Mom A Cool Mom
A Jewish Mom is a weird concoction of overbearing but also wannabe cool mom. She wants to get drunk with you but in a responsible way that makes drinking not fun.
Mom's Reaction: I only drink because of you.
7. Thou Shall Play Mahjong With Their Mother and Her Friends
This is the Jewish Mom's Call of Duty. They will play for hours or until they run out of gossip to share.
Mom's Reaction: I don't even ask you to play I only ask your sister. She's so good she can be a professional.
8. Thou Shall Wear A Coat When It's Cold
They might be a jewish mother but they dabble as mother nature. If you don't wear a jacket and it's under 60 degrees, you'll hear about it for the rest of the day.
Mom's Reaction: We wouldn't have this problem if you got a flu shot!
9. Thou Shall Never Talk Ill of Israel
Okay calm down people. I'm all for the nation of Israel but I just didn't find it a fun vacation spot. I will take Aruba over Jerusalem any day. I'm sure my mother will as well, but to her that's blasphemy. Though if you ever want to embarrass your mother, just bring this up in a public setting. It's a hoot.
Mom's Reaction: I'm not even going to start on this.
10. Thou Shall Always Answer Her Phone Calls and Txts
This is the biggest sin one can do to their Jewish Mother. If you do not answer your txts or calls within an hour there will be a missing persons report filed. Also she'll call all your friends to check up on you. How she got everyone's numbers is one of life's biggest mystery.
Mom's Reaction: See but you called me for this? So who is the clingy one now?!
Touche! Love you Mom!!!
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