The former Chancellor to the Exchequer was the man responsible for all things fiscal in the UK from 2007 until 2010 when the coalition snatched power from the hands of the Labour party. Despite heavy criticism over his handling of public finances, leading in turn to him being barred from dozens of pubs across Britain - enough to turn the rest of his hair white - Alastair Darling’s eyebrows remained resistant to the stress. Eyebrows 1, media pressure 0.
Serving at the frontline of ITV news for years hasn’t damaged the intensity of James Mates’ eyebrows in the slightest. Whether he’s reporting on tense international conflicts or presenting a heart-rending tale of kitten rescue, nothing is more overwhelming than those hairy centipedes snaking around the top of his face.
I don’t know who this champion of forehead thicketry is, but it looks as though some enterprising trainee chef has tried to dim sum his face. The only thing stopping you from submerging him into a tray of soy sauce are those magnificent hedges in the middle of his forehead. That, and the fact you’re not a Floridian cannibal. I hope.
Robert Pattinson’s eyebrows are so all-consuming that he is frequently forced to brush them aside during interviews and photoshoots, most likely leaving him in a quandry over whether he should just bite the bullet and trim that unruly facial foliage. However, I believe his eyebrows to be the transmitter of all his cinematic talent and supernatural abilities, so he should therefore LEAVE WELL ALONE.
Best known as Jim’s Dad from the American Pie franchise, Eugene Levy’s eyebrows are probably the most recognisible set in Tinseltown. His agent needs to hire some bodyguards to tail those bad boys quick-sharp because I bet there’s a hoard of women who would love nothing more than to snuggle down in them for the night with a good book and a room-temperature warm bar of Dairy Milk.
The luxuriant and robust eyebrows of Martin Scorsese have been part of such an illustrious career that they are taking matters into their own hands and invading the rest of his face. I wouldn’t want to be alone with them in a dark alley.