1.
"Aaaaahhhh, what a beautiful morni---wait...what is...oh, fuck."
2.
Great, here comes Mother Nature to stomp all over my life again.
3.
This bitch.
4.
Okay, better get outta bed...
5.
Awww, that's cute, I woke up in a pool of my own blood...
6.
Aaaaand there's a stain on my sheets. Of course.
7.
Aaaaand there's a stain in my underwear. Great.
8.
Good luck getting the blood outta that ish!!
9.
Okay. Pad or Tampon?
10.
Well, pads get all bulgy and weird looking...
11.
But I fucking hate tampons.
12.
...all up inside me...
13.
...who does that tampon think it is??
14.
Plus Toxic Shock Syndrome!
15.
Okay, no tampon. Pad city, baby.
16.
Ugh, this is SO not like those stupid commercials.
17.
Why do I not feel like dancing in a field, or painting a picture of a kitten, or baking a cake with a smiley face on it?
18.
Damn! I wanted to wear my new white jeans today.
19.
Guess that shit 'aint happening.
20.
Oh god, my fat jeans don't even fit!
21.
OH! CRAMPS! HOLY JEEZUS!
22.
Hot damn, this hurts!!
23.
Damn, I am one tough broad, to put up with this shit every month...
24.
Okay where's the aspirin??
25.
"...2 pills every 6 hours..."
26.
...Soooo 5 pills every 20 minutes? Sounds good.
27.
Oh shit-- Do I have to--- oh, don't sneeze. Don't sneeze. Don't---
28.
A-CHOO!!!
29.
Fuck.
30.
Welp! Time to replace this pad!
31.
Gawd, it's like the Niagra freakin' Falls...
32.
Oh, shit, better get to school.
33.
"Don't run, though, you'll leak..."
34.
Man, I hope people can't see the "loaf of bread" sized pad I'm sporting...
35.
Ugh, I feel like death!
36.
I just want cookies!
37.
And I also wanna kill that guy...
38.
...And that guy...
39.
Oooh, but I SO wanna make out with THAT guy!
40.
Shoot ... there better not be a stain on my butt already...
41.
"Hey, is there anything on the back of my jeans?"
42.
Oh my good God, is this week over yet???
43.
I'm starving!
44.
...and sad.
45.
And I think I might throw up...
46.
"Oh my gosh! Are you guys talking about the Sarah Mclachlan ASPCA commercial??"
47.
"All those cute little animals..."
48.
"It's so sad!"
49.
* sobs *
50.
I hate being a woman.
51.
That's it. I'm ripping my uterus out!
52.
Did Mother Nature just think, "Hmmm. She's not pregnant... Let's celebrate by having her uncontrollably bleed out of her vagina for an entire week!" ????
53.
I'm getting a sex change...
54.
...No... I'm not....
55.
I just wanna sleep right now... and eat... and have sex...
56.
Is that too much to ask??
57.
.....
58.
...and chocolate...
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