38 Things You Will Never Experience Again

It’s never the same after the first time.

1. A better smell than a brand-spankin’-new one of these:

2. A more exciting sight to see when you walk into a room:

3. A more accurate way to predict your future:

4. A better way to travel the world:

5. Anything as terrifying as this:

6. A way to have more fun with 25 cents:

7. A better way to consume your daily intake of fruits and vegetables:

8. A cooler way to wake up in the morning:

9. A better place to disappear in:

10. Something that will ruin your tongue as violently as these:

11. Anything more embarrassing than this:

12. Anything more rewarding than getting a gold star:

13. A better way to tell someone you love them:

14. A even better way someone could tell you that they loved you:

15. A more exciting reason to go get fast food:

17. A wiser man than Mr. Rogers:

18. A more exciting day at school:

19. A better place to conquer the world from:

20. A more soothing musical duo:

21. The original smartphone:

22. A snack that transcends our dimension:

23. A movie scene as PAINFUL as this one:

24. A better sign that it was time to go to sleep:

25. A better pair of friends:

26. A more unpleasant sound than this blood-curdling racket:

27. Cereal in ENJOYABLE, MOUTH-DESTROYING shapes:

28. A more perfect first family:

29. A more delicious kind of dirt:

30. A more cutthroat game:

31. A more satisfying way to learn math:

32. A more pleasing sound than the sound this thing made:

33. A better way to organize your prized possessions:

34. A sweeter scent than scratch-and-sniff:

35. A more comforting sight than this at night:

36. A better way to dig for treasure:

37. A exciting way to learn about animals:

38. And a better feeling than waking up on a hot summer morning, knowing that the only responsibility you had was to be home in time for dinner:

It really never gets better than that.

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