After my friend got fired from a job for telling (in tears) a male boss that a male employee (on the same rank) was being abusive, sexist and manipulative towards my friend, and that his screaming violent outbursts made her feel unsafe at work, I decided it was finally time to take a stand.
We live in a world where when a woman says she fears for her safety, that a boy is verbally and physically threatening and abusing her, the male boss decided to keep the month old boy employee and get rid of the two year girl employee with no specific reasoning. How does that rationally make sense? Oh, I forgot, we're supposed to blame the victim.
Then I started to think about it.
I thought about every time I walk the streets anywhere I get cat called at, and how every single one of my female friends does too, and we've just accepted it at this point because "what else can we do", and we're afraid for our lives.
I started to think about my friend who works at a bar, who when I visited her last week had an old creepy regular customer come in, who she had to be nice to and smile when he touched her inappropriately and said suggestive, sexist inappropriate things. I bet if she complained about that she would get fired as well, and the customer would continue to do that to the next female employee.
I thought of my other friend who literally got kicked and injured out of malice by a male employee at work, and when she reported it to her boss, they refused to do anything about it until lawsuits became an issue.
I thought about my sister who constantly faces the sexism of a female working and obtaining a job in the sports industry.
I thought about my other sister who constantly faces the sexism of a female working and obtaining a job in the science industry.
I thought about my other sister who constantly faces the sexism of a female working and obtaining a job in the acting industry.
I thought about my friend who constantly faces the sexism of a female working and obtaining a job in the engineering industry.
Then I thought, "wait, I'm pretty sure almost every work industry is dominated by men".
Welcome to 2015.
Then I thought about the time I worked at a music store, with a male to female ratio of 1 to 20, with employers who had no incentive to make the place more friendly or tolerable for female employees to work in without daily harassment.
I thought about my friends whose professors in college told them they couldn't make a career for themselves if they didn't loose 10 pounds, or get a nose job, or a boob job, while they told their male counterparts that their weight and quirks showed "character" and made them unique. I watched those girls begin to hate themselves, develop eating disorders, begin cutting themselves, binge drinking, abusing themselves, have mental break downs and end up in the hospital, while their male counterparts grew cockier and more judgmental by the minute.
I remembered that time when I was growing up and everyone suspected that a 35 year old male director of ours was becoming "too close" with my 10 year old friend, but everyone blamed the young girl for being "crazy" and "difficult to manage" instead of realizing the manipulation and abuse that was occurring right in front of our eyes and let it fucking continue for over a decade.
I thought about my best friend, who decided to treat men how they treated her and not be exclusive with any one person unless the boy told her it was what he wanted, which is how many boys act, and she was called a "slut" and a "bitch", and the men who acted worse were called "bro's" and "pimps" and all forms of awesome.
I remember when my friend hooked up with a boy who told her he was single and then his girlfriend found out and a giant mob of people bashed her and called her names and tried to destroy her reputation, and the boy's character wasn't even brought into the conversation.
I remembered when I wrote directed and produced a night of my own original music, teaching 6 singers and a 4 piece band all the music individually, dedicating all of my time and effort and sanity into my art, and after the show men came up to me and questioned if I "actually wrote the music", assuming I had co-writers or helpers, and that a female couldn't possibly have done all of that herself because girls can't play or write music or direct or teach or have a brain.
I remembered when I wrote a song that got 300,000 hits on youtube and I had countless men threatening to rape me in explicit detail, telling me my boobs were too small, my hair was too short, I looked anorexic, I looked pregnant, that I was a bitch and a crazy person, and I knew that if I was a man they would not delegitimize my music and body and message in such a way.
and then I thought that if this song only got 300,000 hits and I was not a famous person at all, imagine what females who have millions of hits on everything they post, musical, artistic, photographic, journalistic, political, scientific, imagine what male harassment they go through on a daily basis, how do they continue living and fighting every day in a world like that?
Then I tried to imagine if I was a different race, and how every sexist thing I had ever experienced in my life, would be magnified times 50 and racial prejudice would be added, how do those women survive?
Then I thought what if I had a disability, it would be even fucking worse.
Then I thought, what if I was part of the lgbtq community, imagine the harassment then.
How do we keep going and think that this is ever going to get better, when I can say for a fact that every single one of my female friends, including myself has been sexually, mentally and/or physically abused by the male race not just once but multiple times in their life, and NONE of them have ever gone to the cops because, you know, SHIT HAPPENS, and NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE THEM. How do we allow that to be acceptable?
How do we keep going when I have multiple male friends on Facebook, who I have known since I was 10, who I am decent friends with, who "love" me, but don't believe I should have the right to choose whether I have a baby or not if I get raped or have any unwanted pregnancy?
Why is the victim blamed and the abuser glorified?
I don't fucking know.
But JEEZ, this has to end sometime.
It just has to.
We have to make a change.
Men have to make a change.
Women have to make a change.
How can you allow your fellow humans to suffer so?
Women, we have to stick together, stop putting each other down, and start standing up for ourselves.
Men, you've gotta step the fuck up. Are you kidding me? How long have you allowed this to exist? An old male friend of mine once said to me (when I was 16 and didn't fully understand the stigma I would face), "I don't understand how a man who has a girlfriend (or a girl who is a friend) can not be a feminist. Don't you love your girlfriend? Don't you want her to do well? Don't you want her to have equal opportunities and not be harassed and abused because of her gender?". Well, hetero men— DON'T YOU?
I just gotta hope, that eventually when I report a co-worker for harassment, I will be believed, I won't be fired, and the male harasser will get what he deserves.
I gotta hope, that eventually when a woman is walking down the street, if someone cat calls her, and says vile things, immediately, men and women will turn around and tell that worthless insult to humanity to shut the hell up, show some respect and human decency, and that a girl doesn't have to smile for ANYONE.
I gotta hope that one day, boys won't be raised to be violent and tough and "manly", and that sensitivity, kindness and decency will be supported.
I gotta hope that when a girl is raped and she reports it to the police, they will believe her and not allow the rapist to continue raping, and not blame her for wearing a short skirt, or drinking.
I gotta hope that when a girl is outspoken online or in person about her beliefs, when she is strong and determined and working towards a greater good, if ANYONE threatens her with insults, rape, death, "naked pictures" etc, the world will stand up to support her and the sexist pigs who threatened her will be brought to justice.
I don't really know what the solution is, I'm just so damn tired of the problem.
Can't we make this a better world for the girls of the future?
I know there are a lot of other problems in the world, and I believe they are all valid, and men face a stigma too, and racism is absolutely horrific, and the police have got to get their shit together, and the lgbtq community should have equal rights, and people need to learn how to approach and not stigmatize mental illnesses, and people with disabilities deserve kindness and respect, and other countries are starving their people, and wars are happening, and civil unrest, and wall street is greedy, and sometimes all I think about is the bad and I know that there is good, but this is one thing that I am not just an ally of, but it affects me personally, so maybe that's why I'm focusing on it today, but I just hope one day there will be equality, I just hope every day gets a little bit better. Every day someone learns why the things they are saying and doing are offensive, and maybe tries to be better.
Maybe this is a stupid thing to write because I don't have a solution, or maybe I'm calling my thoughts stupid because I grew up in a world where women's ideas were not valued and we were taught to belittle and talk down about how we feel and think.
Either way, I don't want to keep living in a world where the victim is blamed, and minorities are degraded.
We've got to change it.
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