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Posted on Jan 14, 2016

Please, America, Let's Say Goodbye To Fuckboys In 2016

"Haha and then what ;)" —Every fuckboy ever

by bl

Community Contributor

My fellow Americans, as you may or may not be aware, we are currently in the midst of a widespread and dangerous epidemic.

Michael De Luca Productions

That's right, you heard correctly: an epi-fucking-demic.

Harpo

Terrifyingly, we as a country have come toe-to-toe with an infectious, vile disease that is affecting thousands of innocent victims daily. To date, it appears to be incurable.

Fox

If education is the key to prevention, let us now educate ourselves so as to put an end to this crushing epidemic.

HBO

I'm talking about The American Fuckboy epidemic.

You see, hundreds of thousands of gorgeous guys are frolicking around our country masquerading as genuine, kind gentlemen with good intentions when, in fact, they are garbage with unimpressive boners and phones that apparently only work after 11 p.m.

Bravo

By now I'm sure you have a general idea of what I'm talking about. You may even have someone specific in mind. In order to make yourself less susceptible to such fuckery in the future, let's review some of the most common symptoms of a fuckboy:

hercampus.com

A) He has hair that looks like this:

#ComfySeason @RealKidHavoc

Fuck Boy Hair Cut ✂️

10:10 PM - 15 Aug 2014
Reply Retweet Favorite

B) He sends texts or DMs that look like this:

Or this:

C) His name is on the list below:

joe @TheWhiteEmoji

Top 10 fuckboy names

12:46 AM - 06 Oct 2015
Reply Retweet Favorite

Other names to be wary of include Jeff, Chad, Chris, Ryan, and Kevin.

D) At any given moment, his feet look exactly like this:

Though these are just a few of the many tell-tale signs that you're dealing with an actual fuckboy, they are certainly helpful. For further reference, you might consider the speech/actions of these various fuckboys from recent history:

Exhibit A: Danny Zuko

Paramount

Fuckboyisms: Hooks up with Sandy, then exaggerates the extent of that hookup to his friends, then pretends she doesn't exist when he sees her at school; cares more about his car than anything.

Exhibit B: Ross Geller

NBC

Fuckboyisms: Immediately hooks up with someone else after he and Rachel barely break up, then lies to her about it only to later get caught the fuck out.

Exhibit C: Enrique the pool boy from Legally Blonde

MGM

Fuckboyism: Blatantly lies about his relationship status while his boyfriend is in the room. (He also commits perjury, but that's another moral issue entirely.)

Exhibit D: President Fitzgerald Thomas Grant III

ABC

Fuckboyism: Is married, but still repeatedly hooks up with Olivia Pope, always telling her he will leave his wife for her.

Exhibit E: Barney Stinson

There you have it. You should now be much better prepared to protect yourself from catching feelings for a fuckboy. Let's go forth and make America great again by saying goodbye to fuckboys in 2016! We wish you the best of luck during these trying times.

Jive

That is all. Thank you for your attention.

NBC

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Please, America, Let's Say Goodbye To Fuckboys In 2016

My fellow Americans, as you may or may not be aware, we are currently in the midst of a widespread and dangerous epidemic.

That's right, you heard correctly: an epi-fucking-demic.

Terrifyingly, we as a country have come toe-to-toe with an infectious, vile disease that is affecting thousands of innocent victims daily. To date, it appears to be incurable.

If education is the key to prevention, let us now educate ourselves so as to put an end to this crushing epidemic.

I'm talking about The American Fuckboy epidemic.

You see, hundreds of thousands of gorgeous guys are frolicking around our country masquerading as genuine, kind gentlemen with good intentions when, in fact, they are garbage with unimpressive boners and phones that apparently only work after 11 p.m.

By now I'm sure you have a general idea of what I'm talking about. You may even have someone specific in mind. In order to make yourself less susceptible to such fuckery in the future, let's review some of the most common symptoms of a fuckboy:

A) He has hair that looks like this:

B) He sends texts or DMs that look like this:

Or this:

C) His name is on the list below:

D) At any given moment, his feet look exactly like this:

Though these are just a few of the many tell-tale signs that you're dealing with an actual fuckboy, they are certainly helpful. For further reference, you might consider the speech/actions of these various fuckboys from recent history:

Exhibit A: Danny Zuko

Exhibit B: Ross Geller

Exhibit C: Enrique the pool boy from Legally Blonde

Exhibit D: President Fitzgerald Thomas Grant III

Exhibit E: Barney Stinson

There you have it. You should now be much better prepared to protect yourself from catching feelings for a fuckboy. Let's go forth and make America great again by saying goodbye to fuckboys in 2016! We wish you the best of luck during these trying times.

That is all. Thank you for your attention.

Did you know you can sign up for a BuzzFeed account and create your own Community posts? Get started here!

Please, America, Let's Say Goodbye To Fuckboys In 2016

My fellow Americans, as you may or may not be aware, we are currently in the midst of a widespread and dangerous epidemic.

That's right, you heard correctly: an epi-fucking-demic.

Terrifyingly, we as a country have come toe-to-toe with an infectious, vile disease that is affecting thousands of innocent victims daily. To date, it appears to be incurable.

If education is the key to prevention, let us now educate ourselves so as to put an end to this crushing epidemic.

I'm talking about The American Fuckboy epidemic.

You see, hundreds of thousands of gorgeous guys are frolicking around our country masquerading as genuine, kind gentlemen with good intentions when, in fact, they are garbage with unimpressive boners and phones that apparently only work after 11 p.m.

By now I'm sure you have a general idea of what I'm talking about. You may even have someone specific in mind. In order to make yourself less susceptible to such fuckery in the future, let's review some of the most common symptoms of a fuckboy:

A) He has hair that looks like this:

B) He sends texts or DMs that look like this:

Or this:

C) His name is on the list below:

D) At any given moment, his feet look exactly like this:

Though these are just a few of the many tell-tale signs that you're dealing with an actual fuckboy, they are certainly helpful. For further reference, you might consider the speech/actions of these various fuckboys from recent history:

Exhibit A: Danny Zuko

Exhibit B: Ross Geller

Exhibit C: Enrique the pool boy from Legally Blonde

Exhibit D: President Fitzgerald Thomas Grant III

Exhibit E: Barney Stinson

There you have it. You should now be much better prepared to protect yourself from catching feelings for a fuckboy. Let's go forth and make America great again by saying goodbye to fuckboys in 2016! We wish you the best of luck during these trying times.

That is all. Thank you for your attention.

Did you know you can sign up for a BuzzFeed account and create your own Community posts? Get started here!

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