1. In college you have a meal plan.
In college, you can have corn dogs, Lucky Charms, salad, soft-serve ice cream, and a bowl of french fries in one sitting. Now, you can’t even afford the bowl to put the Lucky Charms in. Grocery shopping sucks.
After college you have to grocery shop.
Everything is so expensive and you just want to cry because you have to choose between laundry detergent and a box of 24 Stop and Shop brand donuts.
You are starting to understand why your parents were such bitches about grocery shopping all this time.
2. In college you have “Thirsty Thursday.”
In college, Thursday nights were the beginnings of your weekend because you never took Friday classes, and, if you did, you just skipped them. Too bad in the real world you can’t just not show up for work every Friday.
After college you have “Thursday.”
You used to think Thursdays were the best, now you just think they don’t suck THAT bad.
3. In college you wear sweatpants everywhere.
Class, the bar, the grocery store, restaurants, funerals…college was like a 4-year hall pass to wear sweats whenever and wherever you wanted to.
After college you wear sweatpants to bed.
This is probably one of the biggest adjustments to post-college life. You miss your sweatpants so much while you’re at work that it actually physically hurts you.
If only Ralph Lauren made a line of business friendly yoga pants that could double as jammies and as a friendly pants suit.
4. In college you get winter and spring breaks.
You got a month off for Jesus’ birthday…a MONTH. Winter break was basically a second summer just with snow…by the time January came around you actually missed school.
And let’s not even mention all of the hype surrounding spring break - you could go to Maui, Miami, Mexico, Vegas, the Bahamas…basically anywhere as long as you blackout for the entire week.
After college you are lucky if you get cigarette breaks.
In fact, you pick up smoking just so you can be away from work for six minutes every three hours…and because you hope it will kill you faster.
5. In college you skip class just because.
If it’s snowing out, then you don’t wanna go because you don’t feel like trudging through the mush…
If it’s raining out, then you don’t want to go because you’d rather lay in bed and watch movies…
If it’s sunny out, then you don’t want to go because you’d rather be playing outside…
You basically never went to class.
After college you skip work because you’re shitting blood or dead.
Rain or shine you’re stuck in that same little spot you’re in everyday. Guess it’s time for a cigarette break!
6. In college you get at least one good nap a day.
College is basically like pre-school, except that you nap willingly, no matter how many exams you have the next day.
And, besides, you need that nap if you’re going to stay awake doing stupid shit with your friends until 3:30 a.m.
After college you get no naps a day.
You’re exhausted all the time because you wake up at 6 a.m. for work and you don’t get home until bedtime.
7. In college it’s okay to be single, you can hook up with whomever you’d like.
Remember how easy it was to just walk upstairs in the dorm to someone’s room and just…well, you know….
After college you are expected to find a serious partner.
You probably live at your parents’ house now, so walking upstairs for anything other than orange juice is not only disgusting, but probably illegal.
8. In college you have no money.
It’s amazing how what little money you have from your parents or from your pathetic part-time job at the financial aid office (irony) gets immediately blown on “$1 Draft Night” at the local bar.
In the real world, well, yea that doesn’t change.
Unless you’re some Harvard genius with a degree in something that most of us didn’t even know was a thing, you’re probably not financially stable yet. You continue to use your credit card for frivolous purchases like shoes and Mexican dinners with your friends even though you should know better.
9. In college it’s acceptable to drink anywhere, anytime.
Flag Day, passed your exam, got the internship, didn’t get the internship, don’t have herpes…in college there are so many excuses to have a celebratory drink or nine.
After college it isn’t.
After college, if you have a beer in the shower at 10:00 a.m. on a Tuesday, you’re getting judged.
10. In college you go to theme parties.
You have 4 (maybe 5) years of these ridiculous gatherings before you are expected to stop doing keg stands and dressing like a slutty librarian.
After college you go to dinner parties.
And they end at 10 p.m.
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