Meet The Governor Who Uses Toy Props In His Press Conferences

If you thought anti-government government worker Ron Swanson was a mythical creature, you clearly haven't heard of Paul LePage, Governor of Maine.

This is Paul LePage, the Governor of Maine.

Via pinetreewatchdog.org

Please note the desk flair. This detail will become highly relevant later on.

Recently, Gov. LePage used a squeaky toy and a Christmas tree as props in his press conference about a $6.7 billion budget deal.

Via pressherald.com

The press conference took place on June 17.

Via pressherald.com

June = Christmastime.

(Maine is very far north).

LePage decorated the Christmas Tree with images of Maine's State Legislators.

Via pollways.bangordailynews.com

Aka, LePage took the time to locate, copy, paste, scan, print, cut out, glue, and hang a portrait, over 9+ times in a row.

Maine Senator Tom Saviello (R-Wilton) was “upset not to be on [LePage’s] naughty list, so he added his own pic.”

"But Governor — why use a Christmas tree at all?" Maine asks.

Via giphy.com

METAPHOR. Or wait. Synecdoche? No. Analogy.

We can't know.

But LePage's rhetoric at 00:45 sec, "They all sit in the darkened room, when everybody else is in bed, and they make these little deals among themselves" seems to be a heavily-paraphrased allusion to "A Visit From St. Nicholas":

The children were nestled all snug in their beds;
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

"And what was the matter, Paul LePage?" Maine inquires.

Via pollways.bangordailynews.com

METAPHORICAL slash ANALOGICAL slash SYNECDOCHE PIGS!

One pig for each literary device, in fact.

"PS, what is that enormous pile of paper the pigs are standing on?" Maine whispers.

LePaul notes, while squeezing the squeaky-toy pig of the bunch, that the porcine triumvirate more specifically signifies "what happens when you close the door and then you try to force a governor to, to approve a budget when we don't know what's in it."

...So it's a copy of the itemized plan for the $6.7 billion budget?

This press conference is a goddamn literary fractal equation.

Via giphy.com

The pig-budget section of the metaphor-analogy-synecdoche could branch out in any number of directions. Some possibilities:

1) Three Little Pigs (of Maine legislature) —> Wolves in Pig's clothing —> They'll Huff and They'll Puff and They'll Blow Our Budgetary Limits

2) Pigs in a Blanket —> What's under the blanket? —> Corruption!

3) Roman Oligarchy —> Oink-igarchy —> The Christmas tree full of legislators standing behind me is the Brutus to my Julius Caesar

4) Swine Flu —> Apocalypse

"One last thing." Maine says. "How many Christmas trees did you have to chop down to print out that copy of the budget, Governor LePage?"

Via giphy.com

You must have burned through like three printer cartridges.

Good budgeting.

"We're not done here," says Paul LePage's photo.

Via themainewire.com

The June 17th press conference metaphor-debacle accounts for a mere 2% of Governor LePage's crazy.

I also made a fun montage of the other 98% of the LePaul Crazy.

Bukaty / Via savvy-inc.com

That time he told the NAACP to "kiss my butt."

Via pressherald.com

He refused the NAACP's invitation to attend a Martin Luther King, Jr. Day breakfast.

"They are a special interest. End of story. And I'm not going to be held hostage by special interests."

When a reporter asked if his refusal to participate was part of a larger discriminatory pattern, LePage said: "Tell 'em to kiss my butt."

That time he proposed 36 ways to end recycling and build houses on moose territory.

Associated Press file photo / Via pressherald.com

"Gov. Paul LePage has proposed zoning 10 million acres of northern Maine for development, repealing laws that require manufacturers to take back recyclable goods for disposal and reversing a ban on the use of a chemical linked to cancer in children's products."

That time he threw scientific caution to the wind and lobbied for a product that would give women "little beards."

youtube.com / Via politico.com

"[LePaul moved to] stop a ban on bisphenol A (BPA), an endocrine disruptor, in baby bottles—were drafted by his special adviser, a registered lobbyist for many of the affected industries. LePage defended the restoration of BPA in bottles by saying, with a smirk, that the worst that could happen was that 'some women may have little beards.'"

That time he tried to remove a 36-foot mural depicting Maine's labor history from the Dept. of Labor lobby because an anonymous secret admirer faxed him a letter that mentioned North Korea.

Photography photo courtesy of Judy Taylor Studio / Via pressherald.com

“'In this mural I observed a figure which closely resembles the former commissioner of labor,” the person wrote. “In studying the mural I also observed that this mural is nothing but propaganda to further the agenda of the Union movement. I felt for a moment that I was in communist North Korea where they use these murals to brainwash the masses.'
The fax is signed 'A Secret Admirer.'"

That time he installed a flatscreen TV in the Hall of Flags outside his office and when people told him to move it, he threatened to withdraw his office from the statehouse, slash defied state law by working from home for two days.

Joe Phelan/Kennebec Journal / Via pressherald.com

That time he sabotaged a $120 million investment in a clean energy windmill farm because he believes wind energy is fake.

crystalinks.com / Via thetippingpoint.bangordailynews.com

“Now, to add insult to injury, The University of Maine, Presque Isle – anybody here been up there to see that damn windmill in the back yard? Guess what, if it’s not blowing wind outside and they have somebody visiting the campus, they have a little electric motor that turns the blades. I’m serious. They have an electric motor so that they can show people wind power works. Unbelievable. And that’s the government that you have here in the state of Maine,” said LePage.

That time he went to the "Eggs n' Issues" meeting at York Community College to discuss Maine's public schools and said: "If you want a good education, go to private schools. If you can’t afford it, tough luck — you can go to the public school.”

AP / Via pressherald.com

That time he told Obama to "go to hell."

youtube.com

Or that time he said that Obama "hates white people."

Robert F. Bukaty / AP / Via pressherald.com

"Gov. Paul LePage told a group of Republicans last week that President Obama 'hates white people,' according to two state lawmakers who say they heard the remark directly...The lawmakers, both Republicans, confirmed the comment when asked by a Portland Press Herald reporter but asked that their names be withheld for fear of political retribution."

Aaaaaand that time he said one of his political opponents is "the first one to give it to the people without providing vaseline."

youtube.com / Via pressherald.com

But wait for the backtrack at 2:38. It's straight out of Parks and Rec.