Bill Murray kicked an unprecedented array of ass at the Pebble Beach Golf Tournament this weekend.
Here is how he did it with noble cadence:
Bill Murray became a cuss of a Scottish farmer for the first day of the tournament.
He crushed putts and celebrated like, "What now, you lumpish boar-pig?"
Producing this silhouette that could make Ansel Adams cry.
He was calling the pitch like an unmuzzled cricket umpire.
Like a hedge-born beast on the green.
He wore this railtrain conductor's cap for one tottering, onion-eyed cameraman to gasp at.
He took a break on a cockered volunteer's lap.
He signed one mammering fan's face with great prejudice.
He masterfully kicked a football held by one dog-hearted NFL player, Harris Barton.
Of course, he made it with miles to spare.
He found a bucket of hats. Guess what he did with them?
He threw them to plume-plucked fans.
"And you get a hat vassal, and you get a hat..."
His existence is full of breathless win.
He sat on the ground to sign personalized autographs for these tickle-brained children who probably held insufficient knowledge of his greatness.
He gloriously drove these balls directly into our surly hearts.
Bill Murray, one swag-bellied apple-john of a man.
