Dear kids: We know the Easter bunny is kind of weird.
And confusing.
And scary.
1. So you have every right to freak out when we put you on his lap.
2. Feel free to squirm.
3. And wiggle out of his hairy paws.
4. Scream bloody murder.
5. And start to kick.
6. Use your egg as a weapon if you must.
7. Cry at the top of your lungs.
8. And motion for your bottle. Anything, anything to get through this hell.
9. Easter bunny fur is not soft.
10. And he laughs maniacally.
11. Try to escape his grasp.
12. And scream for the sake of your sister!
13. "Get away!"
14. "Jump!"
15. Reach out for help.
16. "REACH!"
17. Flail your limbs about.
18. Push out of there!
19. Try to get away!
20. Try!
21. Harder!
22. Get out!
23. You are almost there!
24. "This cannot be happening!"
25. "This is the worst thing in the WORLD!"
26. "Good heavens, they are multiplying!"
27. If all else fails, look menacingly at him!
28. "Oh, this is awful!"
29. "Dear god. Shall it ever stop?"
30. Tell your parents how much you hate that bunny.
31. And maybe they will never bring you around this creature again.
But real bunnies are better, right?
And Santa says: