1. They will keep you safe from invading forces.
2. They’ll thoroughly check your food for traces of poison.
3. They’re totally game to go 4-wheeling on the weekends.
4. They understand you have certain base needs.
5. They’ll go with you to the spa, ‘cause they like to relax.
6. They’ll teach you the rudiments of magic.
7. And if you’re a good pupil, the advanced course too.
8. They have excellent hygiene.
9. They love Shark Week just as much as you do. Perhaps even a little bit more.
10. They are totally punk rock. (Check out the mohawk, man!)
11. They heard you liek Mudkipz. Lulz.
12. They’ll always let you hang out in their bedroom.
13. Cats love to cuddle with them.
14. Unlike other lizards, they know how to use a snowmobile.
15. They somehow manage to pull off this kind of hat.
16. They always dress up for Halloween.
17. And make their bed in the morning.
18. They’ll watch Ghostbusters as many times as you want.
19. They are pretty, pretty princesses.
- Protesters marched in Chicago for the second night in a row after the release of a video showing the police shooting of black teen Laquan McDonald. ›
- Frank Gifford's family says the NFL star had CTE, the degenerative brain disease linked to football. He died in August. ›
- And President Obama actually made his daughters laugh at the annual White House turkey pardon. ›