1. You walk into Sephora, lips nude (and sad). The workers stare at you.
♫The people don’t start staring ‘til you walk in…♫
2. Maybe I should leave. My lips are making people uncomfortable.
5. But inevitably, some perky Sephora girl will want to help.
I guess you can’t blame her. She’s only doing her job.
6. You can say no all you want, they’re still going to be attached to your leg until you leave.
7. She’ll ask you what kind of lipstick you want.
I don’t know. Isn’t that why you’re here?
8. She’ll ask if you’d like to try something bold and new.
You’ll try it, just for the hell of things.
9. She pulls out a terrible color.
Honey, I don’t know if green lipstick works for you, but it doesn’t work for me.
10. Another color.
“Camel” isn’t an appealing lip color name.
11. You tell her that you aren’t looking to try something that bold.
She acts like she’s done something horribly wrong and deserves to be punished. Or like you’re just being a rude customer.
12. Maybe something more along the red lines?
Maybe not navy blue.
13. You find three or more perfect reds, and can’t decide between them.
This one’s bold, but this one lasts, but this one is cheaper…
14. She’ll try and help you by weeding them out.
One by one, she’ll throw them away.
15. Of course, the cheapest one makes you look washed out.
Goodbye, rent money.
16. The second one is much too bold.
No way anybody would take you seriously. You could never pull that off.
17. And the third one…
This color makes you look flawless.
18. But it’s so expensive.
Like I said, goodbye home.
19. So you reluctantly try to walk away.
20. But you can’t just leave it there!
It would be so sad.
21. You go back.
(Knowing you won’t be eating for the next week)
23. You fork over $60 dollars, but go home happily.
Now your lips won’t look like the naked mole rat from Kim Possible.
24. You drive home, slowly.
Not to disturb the natural beauty of the lipstick.
25. Rush inside and scurry to the bathroom.
I’m so excited I’m so excited I’m so excited I’m so excited eeeeeeeeee
27. You cherish the moment before the first application.
28. It applies even better than at the store.
I blame the sales assistant.
29. It makes you feel confident.