Everything I Know About Passover I Learned From “Rugrats”

Nobody explained the story of Passover to ignorant gentiles better than Tommy Pickles and his grandpa Boris. Although, I will admit that I’m still a little confused about why ancient egyptians used babies as slaves.

1. Did you know that…

3. …starts on Monday?

4. First off, Passover is all about freedom.

5. The Hebrews were once slaves in Egypt.

(In the “Rugrats” universe, the Hebrews are all babies, and the Egyptians are all toddlers.)

6. Hebrews/babies were only given one bottle a day, and no naps.

7. Moses accidentally revealed that he was Hebrew/a baby…

8. …and was forced to flee to the desert.

9. Moses eventually returned to Egypt to demand the Pharaoh let his people/babies go.

10. Hebrews/babies could turn sticks into snakes. (It’s never explained how or why on “Rugrats.”)

11. Moses called ten plagues down upon Egypt, including frogs…

12. …lice…

13. …darkness…

14. …wild beasts…

15. …and locusts.

16. Finally, Moses threatened that all firstborn children in Egypt “would be taken away.”

Exodus 11 actually reads:

“So Moses said, “This is what the Lord says: ‘About midnight I will go throughout Egypt. Every firstborn son in Egypt will die, from the firstborn son of Pharaoh, who sits on the throne, to the firstborn son of the female slave, who is at her hand mill, and all the firstborn of the cattle as well. There will be loud wailing throughout Egypt—worse than there has ever been or ever will be again.”

(I guess that was kinda heavy for a cartoon.)

17. The Pharaoh finally allowed the Hebrews/babies to leave Egypt.

18. Matzah is eaten on Passover cause Chuckie forgot to add yeast to the bread.

It’s actually because the Hebrews left Egypt in such a hurry that they didn’t have time to properly cook the bread. From Exodus 12:39:

“With the dough the Israelites had brought from Egypt, they baked loaves of unleavened bread. The dough was without yeast because they had been driven out of Egypt and did not have time to prepare food for themselves.”

19. The Pharaoh quickly regretted freeing the slaves, and went after them.

(Get it?)

20. Moses had the ability to split the Red Sea. (It’s never explained how or why on “Rugrats.”)

21. Moses made the Red Sea collapse in on all the Egyptians, killing hundreds of toddlers, and led the Hebrews/babies to their freedom.

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