16 Things I've Learned From Movies and TV

Sure, the movies and television are not reality. Even reality television is not reality. However after years of watching television and movies here are 16 truisms I've learned.

• 1.

  

  Doctors have to be wearing a stethoscope, unless they are a main or recurring character, to let the audience know they are doctors. Because just saying they are a doctor is not good enough.

• 2.

  

  Any time a character is getting groceries, it has to be in a plain brown paper bag with some type of crusty bread and something leafy sticking out. Crusty bread and green leafy things are a television and movie diet necessity.

• 3.

  

  In movies and television, it seems to rain a lot at night as the streets are always wet, even in areas that don't get a lot of rain.

• 4.

  

  Big guys can have hot wives and girlfriends. Chubby women can have lots of issues and cats.

• 5.

  

  I was told I would have a flying DeLorean by this point in time. This has less to do with what I've learned and more to do with my disappointment.

• 6.

  

  If you dream without a lot of fog and blurry vision, you are doing something wrong. Also if you do not hear other people speaking with reverberation your dream hearing needs to be checked.

• 7.

  

  The best way to find something is to turn off all the lights and just use a flashlight so you can focus. This works great for finding clues, but so far does not work for finding car keys.

• 8.

  

  Weapons used by cultures far removed from Earth, both in time and space tend to utilize styles from the late 19th to mid 20th century. Because all aliens and galactic cultures know that they are bad ass looking.

• 9.

  

  People fall in love with their best friends that they grew up with. Fall out of love. Fall in love. Fall for other friends. Fall back in love. Decide that just being friends is better. Or something like that. I always get lost in a show somewhere around season 4.

• 10.

  

  Guns never run out of ammo. Ever. Unless the story calls for it.

• 11.

  

  If you see a guy on Cops without a shirt, he's about to be arrested or already cuffed.

• 12.

  

  Investigating possible hostile situations that would best be done by a group of reconnaissance specialists? Send your most senior officers, as long as you have one or two expendables. Because hostiles aliens, beasts, robots, wayward exploding bombs, natural disasters and diseases know exactly who to kill.

• 13.

  

  If you are a superhero villain it's important to be a drama queen otherwise you won't be taken seriously.

• 14.

  

  Cars can easily make 20 to 30 foot jumps by just using mounds of dirt or cheap wooden planks. When they land, the car sustains no damage at all.

• 15.

  

  Smart ass kids on television are funny. Smart ass kids in real life not so much.

• 16.

  

  If you need to jump out of a building, always aim for a nice soft dumpster full of trash. There will never ever be broken glass, sharp jagged metal, wooden spikes, junkie needles or diseased ridden animals. A dumpster is always filled with garbage bags full of foam or used clothes.