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<b>The Renaissance was a time of really big collars.</b> And peril.

The Renaissance was a time of really big collars. And peril.

Would You Have Survived The Renaissance?

Someone dressed in a suit of armor rides a fake dinosaur at a Renaissance fair.

Dinosaurs were not even a twinkle in science's eye during the Renaissance. In 1677, Robert Plot published his findings on an enormous dinosaur bone. He [wrote](http://www.oum.ox.ac.uk/learning/pdfs/plot.pdf), “(notwithstanding their extravagant Magnitude) they must have been the bones of Men or Women.” To summarize: He thought that a bone from a dinosaur was a bone from a giant person. A giant person!

Do you like knowing about dinosaurs?

Europe was largely precious-metals kind of economy. If your money is made of the same stuff your rich people make plates out of, you’re gonna have a [circulation problem](http://www.amazon.com/dp/0060148454/?tag=buzz0f-20). If you were a peasant, you would likely be paid "in kind" (e.g. "in bacon fat") rather than money. This is not to mention the evil colonial powers mining for silver and gold outside Europe. ALL KINDS OF PROBLEMATIC, YO.

Do you appreciate the convenience of paper money?

Good ol' Willy Shakes [invented](http://mentalfloss.com/article/48657/20-words-we-owe-william-shakespeare) that word. (Oof, sorry, I don't have swagger, that's why I called him Willy Shakes.)

Do you possess or enjoy swagger?

A woman signs to an audience at a Renaissance fair.

Although deaf people in the Renaissance certainly led productive lives — like Bernardino di Betto Biagi, an artist who painted frescoes in the Sistine Chapel — with widespread illiteracy in Europe, it was [especially hard to be hearing-impaired](http://books.google.com/books?dq=deaf+people+renaissance&ei=rspEU8iCG8z_rAf58IHAAg&hl=en&id=1Md9gDfsxYgC&lpg=PA8&ots=hnAMcEn4Mg&pg=PA8&sa=X&sig=wCebJRCYAmn2rWXU37UMprssoLA&source=bl&ved=0CCgQ6AEwAA#v=snippet&q=The%20Renaissance&f=false). Although the Renaissance [marked a turning point](http://linguistics.byu.edu/classes/ling450ch/reports/sign-language.html) toward wider acceptance of deaf people as part of society, it still wasn't a great time to be deaf. More handicap-accessibility = better world. Yay, sign language interpreters! More, please!

Do you like standardized sign language?

A flush toilet. NOTE: This particular toilet was not actually at the Renaissance fair, but similarly flushing toilets connected to sophisticated modern plumbing were.

In Europe, flush toilets did not start to become popular until the late 1800s. The Maya civilization had indoor plumbing, aqueducts, and pressurized water systems in [600](http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/05/100504155421.htm), but _hundreds_ of years later, Her Royal Highness Elizabeth I (1533-1603), was shitting in a [pot with a velvet lid](http://content.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1940525,00.html). Disgusting.

When you empty your bowels, do you enjoy flushing that stuff away?

Water in a plastic bottle at a Renaissance fair.

If you enjoy water, you'd be out of luck in the Renaissance, because there was pretty much [no safe water](http://books.google.com/books?dq=drinking+water+renaissance+europe&ei=uQlPU9XlOsaiyAH6h4CwCQ&hl=en&id=JtYy67FsRosC&lpg=PA306&ots=bFPS8qnc3o&pg=PA306&sa=X&sig=AsDjmIqLgFCWggJC3PT48JLxlvM&source=bl&ved=0CF0Q6AEwCw#v=onepage&q=drinking%20water%20renaissance%20europe&f=false) back then. Beverage options were beer, wine, or disease-water. Even children drank booze. Children!

When I say "water," you think...

Renaissance England was like one giant garbage pail. English people pretty much [threw their garbage in the streets](http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/553362/solid-waste-management/72374/Historical-background). Some towns employed [pigs](http://books.google.com/books?dq=what+did+people+do+with+trash+in+the+middle+ages&ei=hY1UU92lN4WQyQGGoIHwAg&hl=en&id=H8_XKpQcjJwC&lpg=PT71&ots=JBesvu46T6&pg=PT71&sa=X&sig=NUgUjIJPeGomQO7k4-__HxjmzVQ&source=bl&ved=0CIIBEOgBMAg#v=onepage&q=garbage&f=false) as garbage collectors, in addition to the human "[gong farmers](http://mentalfloss.com/article/50483/river-pigs-and-gong-farmers-7-jobs-we%E2%80%99re-glad-are-obsolete)" that used to shovel excrement. #LOLcivilization

"Trash" is...

HA. Even in the 17th century, a road "was not a clearly delineated strip along which traffic flowed smoothly," historian [Fernand Braudel](http://www.amazon.com/dp/0060148454/?tag=buzz0f-20) writes, meaning that Europeans _could not even easily tell where the road was_. Potholes galore. Bumpy as hell. You'd be better off staying home.

Define "road."

Mary, Queen of Scots, or "Gurl, in danger."

Queen Elizabeth I held her likely successor Mary, Queen of Scots, prisoner for 19 years. Then, she had her [executed](https://www.royal.gov.uk/HistoryoftheMonarchy/KingsandQueensofEngland/TheTudors/ElizabethI.aspx). Also, they were cousins. Monarchy at work.

Do you like the idea of a leader who imprisons her likely successor for 19 years, then executes her?

A man clad entirely in denim reclines at a Renaissance fair.

Nope, no jeans in the Renaissance. Denim wasn’t patented until [1873](http://www.cnn.com/2013/05/20/living/blue-jeans-history-irpt/). But it gets worse: When you picture Renaissance fashions, you probably see velvets and silks; sadly, only [super rich people](https://www.metmuseum.org/toah/hd/velv/hd_velv.htm) wore that stuff. Regular folks wore a lot of wool. Just, like, wool on wool on wool.

How do you feel about denim?

A Renaissance fair attendee dressed in black, his face obscured by a unicorn mask.

If you're here, you obviously like the internet. No internet back then, dogg. No internet.

What is your reaction to internet memes?

Look, let's not romanticize some sewage-filled European past.

You would not have survived the Renaissance!

You are probably also a freak who lives in a cabin in the woods and never talks to anyone. Congratulations, weirdo.

You would have survived the Renaissance!

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Would You Have Survived The Renaissance?

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