1. Bush-shaving was popularized by advertisers. Your privates are not a billboard!
No body hair removal of any kind was common in North American women until Gilette started marketing the “Milady” razor in 1915. Pube scholar Magdala Peixoto Labre writes that during this period, magazines “extensively disseminated the ideal of hairless white feminine beauty.” Capitalism wants you to think your body is gross and you need to change it. This is very rude, so capitalism will not be invited to my birthday party this year.
2. The rise of bald stylings seems correlated with the rise of internet porn.
In the ’80s and into the ’90s, Playboy, for example, was full of luxuriant bush. Internet porn, with its emphasis on close-up shots and movement, apparently encourages bushwhacking because it’s easier to see stuff on a small computer screen without pubic hair in the way.
3. The vagina isn’t obscured by bush. In fact, the vagina is not hard to find.
We will definitely let you know when you find it. And when you do not.
4. Being bald down there is not actually as common as people think.
The majority of U.S. women have some hair on their genitals.
5. You’re more likely to “groom” when you’re young, which is also when you’re less likely to be having satisfying sex.
Older women aren’t “grooming” as much, but their sex lives are better and they’re more self-confident. JUST SAYING.
6. Between 2002 and 2010, almost 12,000 people went to the emergency room for genital-grooming injuries.
Razors down there can be dangerous!
7. Seriously, it makes sex more pleasant.
Hair acts like a barrier, protecting you from skin-on-skin friction during sex (or when biking or mechanical bull riding). (Like, I don’t know your life.)
8. You don’t get the itching or ingrown hairs associated with shaving or waxing.
Which means you’re less likely to stealthily cross-and-uncross your legs repeatedly to try and rid yourself of itchiness. I see you, boo.
9. A bush is a female equalizer.
According to this study, women who make more than $30,000 a year are more likely to groom their pubes.
10. Pubes keep your vagina warm.
Luckily, pubic hair is nature’s Ugg. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but it’s warm and comfortable and gets the job done.
11. And not dying your pubes saves you a lot of time.
Let’s say your bush is turning gray, or you just feel like it’s time for your mons pubis to get in on the pastel ombre trend. First, dying public hair is quite a process, especially since you don’t want to risk ruining your pH balance/life by getting hair dye in places it was never intended to go. You might also risk burning or otherwise irritating your skin, particularly if the color you’re using isn’t specially formulated for the pubic area.
Then again, if you do want to take the plunge, there’s a handy color wheel for determining which pubic hair color is right for you and your busy, muppet-ass looking bush lifestyle. (Blue means your pubes are calm, FYI.)
12. More bushes means less money for the merkin industry.
Hollywood has spent a good chunk of cash creating historically-appropriate merkins (genital wigs) for its bald leading ladies. End the madness. Spend that merkin fund on other things, like tiny sunglasses to place on your pubes.
13. Adults have body hair. It’s grown-up.
Barring illness, of course. And the adultier you become, the more that hair moves around your body, falling out of some places and sprouting, anew, in others. Hair is womanly!
14. Also like honestly, if your partner has a problem with it, fuck your partner.
Or rather, don’t.
15. Hair is good for you.
Waxing or shaving can leave tiny little microcuts on your skin, which can result in discomfort and infection.
16. Muskiness. And such. Pubes smell human!
While there are many theories surrounding the actual purpose of pubic hair (puns, perhaps?), there’s speculation that it, to quote a Scientific American article on the topic, “likely serves as a primitive odor trap and aids in the wafting of human pheromones.” Waft away, bbs.
Say no to bushwhacking.
So set down the razors. Throw out the wax. Set the lasers aside. Go pro-grow. Your body will thank you for it.