1. There are so many varieties to choose from and you can have them ALL AT THE SAME TIME.
It’s not called cheating, it’s called all the love you can eat.
2. Junk food won’t get mad if you don’t text or call it back.
In fact, junk food doesn’t care if you respond one minute later or two days later. You can even make junk food your phone.
3. There is no talking back or yelling during an argument.
Will junk food yell at you about leaving your clothes everywhere? Nope.
4. If you feel like staying in, junk food will stay in with you.
Need some company napping? Your Pop-Tarts will lay there with you and be your little spoon.
5. You can buy your love.
Junk food is generally pretty cheap and you can buy as much as you want.
6. Seamless > Tinder.
Instead of creepy messages, use food delivery apps and get the love you deserve.
7. Junk food would never ask you to not eat because you’re wearing lipstick.
It would be like asking you to stop breathing. Not. An. Option.
8. Like gravity, junk food is there all day, every day.
There’s no “do not disturb” mode for junk food and it is always in the mood to hear about your feelings.
9. It won’t get mad when you yawn during the middle of a conversation.
Junk food will let you yawn, nap, and will still be there when you wake up at 3 a.m. and binge watch a television show.
10. It doesn’t care about any possible stains it might leave on your furniture.
If junk food leaves stains, they are stains of glory.Cheese balls are pros at stains — they are like hickeys in junk food world.
11. Junk food is the good kind of greasy.
Like greasy fries? Yes. Greasy hair from not showering? No.
12. You never have to dress up for it.
Whether you’re in your underwear, a shirt with holes in them, or in sweaty workout clothes, junk food don’t care.
13. It won’t mind if you just lay there and don’t go on top, during YA KNOW.
Don’t feel like trying some new sex position? It’s okay, junk food won’t mind.
14. Junk food won’t care how much you drink when you’re together.
They actually make a better pairing in most cases.
15. And then it’s always there for you when you’re hungover.
Greasy french fries and burgers are the perfect solution to overcome the pounding in your head.
16. If you stay out late, junk food won’t care. Not one bit at all.
No texting, frantic phone calls — NOTHING. Plus, there’s late night junk food in the world for a reason.
17. Sitting in silence together is OK.
In fact, there’s no such thing as awkward silence with junk food.
18. Junk food always finishes your sentences.
Because it is the sentence — literally. What better sentence could there be than one that starts with a donut in your hand and ends with a donut in your mouth?
19. If you’re not satisfied, you can always get more.
No need to wait for that dreaded “refractory period.” You can just keep on GOING.
20. Junk food always gets along with your friends.
Even that friend who’s on a or diet will look at your potato chips and indulge in eating “just one” chip.
21. Junk food is always up for a threesome or experimentation.
Ice cream and french fries — try it now or continue missing out on the best food combinations of your life.
22. It doesn’t matter what size junk food comes in.
Junk food, like love, comes in all sizes.