1. Your running rotates around your pooping schedule.
Because there’s nothing worse than having to poop during a run.
2. Which means you know how to make yourself poop.
Coffee, then cold water, repeat.
3. Shoes really DO matter.
You need to replace them more often than you think, and you need special running shoes like Brooks or Mizuno, NOT Nike cross trainers. This will not be great for your budget. (Unless you’re fine with the ugliest ones from Sierra Trading Post, which some of us TOTALLY ARE.)
4. You lose half your weekend to long runs.
If you’re running anything more than 10 miles, you not only have to be a good kid the night before, but spend the entire post-run day napping and eating.
5. Running is boring as hell.
You can have new music on your phone, a fun new route and fresh workout clothes, but still, sometimes…you just can’t wait for it to be over.
6. You always feel great post-run, but the “runner’s high” remains pretty elusive.
7. And even if you’ve run long distances (10+ miles), you’ll still sometimes struggle through a 3-miler.
Sometimes you hate it!
8. Losing one or more of your toenails is a very real possibility.
And when you go to get a pedicure, someone usually makes a face.
9. Wearing a thong is a must.
For, uh, BUTT SWEAT issues. Also known colloquially as “swamp ass.”
Or you can just wear those running shorts with the built-in underwear, in which case…
11. Two words: SNOT ROCKETS.
But you shall embraceth the snot rocket, as runners before you embraceth the snot rockets before them.
12. You are incredibly specific about your running conditions, and the smallest annoyance can completely ruin a run.
(Absolutely no headphones with cords that swing excessively.)
13. It’s easier than you think to get dehydrated.
That gross, flu-like, nauseated, headache-y feeling you get after a long run in the sun? Yep, you’re dehydrated, because you didn’t drink 30,000,000 gallons of water prior.
16. Yes, your knees will hurt sometimes.
And your Achilles tendons. And your ACL. And your quads. And your hamstrings.
17. You spend way too much money on shit like this.
18. Sometimes you’ll get bloody socks when you run.
Blisters! It happens.