11 Reasons The New Pope Is Clearly In The Illuminati

The conspiracy theories have begun.

Image by Vitaly Hrabar/Abaca Press/MCT

1. He was selected in 2013.

2. On March 13.

3. At 8:13 Rome time.

This in fact appears to be true.

Image by Dylan Martinez / Reuters

4. He used a triangle gesture.

BuzzFeed was unable to find evidence of this.

Image by Stefano Rellandini / Reuters

5. Or his curtains did.

Fair enough.

6. He is a scientist.

This does not seem to be true. He has a degree in philosophy. Correction: He also has a master’s degree in chemistry — so, maybe true-ish.

7. He is the 266th Pope.

True.

8. He is a Jesuit, and is named Francis.

Pope Francis I is a Jesuit.

9. John Adams did not like Jesuits.

True.

10.

True-ish — the space station did take a picture of the Vatican today.

Image by Manu Fernandez / AP

11. He is Argentinian, like soccer star Lionel Messi.

Both are Argentinian. Messi is either a member of the Illuminati, or their mortal enemy. Evidence inconclusive.