11 Reasons The New Pope Is Clearly In The Illuminati

The conspiracy theories have begun.

Vitaly Hrabar/Abaca Press / MCT
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1. He was selected in 2013.

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2. On March 13.

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3. At 8:13 Rome time.

This in fact appears to be true.

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Dylan Martinez / Reuters
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4. He used a triangle gesture.

BuzzFeed was unable to find evidence of this.

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Stefano Rellandini / Reuters
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5. Or his curtains did.

Fair enough.

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6. He is a scientist.

This does not seem to be true. He has a degree in philosophy. Correction: He also has a master’s degree in chemistry — so, maybe true-ish.

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7. He is the 266th Pope.


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8. He is a Jesuit, and is named Francis.

Pope Francis I is a Jesuit.

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9. John Adams did not like Jesuits.


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True-ish — the space station did take a picture of the Vatican today.

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Manu Fernandez / AP
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11. He is Argentinian, like soccer star Lionel Messi.

ID: 981029

Both are Argentinian. Messi is either a member of the Illuminati, or their mortal enemy. Evidence inconclusive.

ID: 980987

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