1. Thank the good lord that staying inside with Netflix is cool these days, because you can’t be active to save your life.
2. It's not that you're lazy — it's that your body is genuinely baffled when it comes to any sort of strength or coordination.
3. When your parents forced you to join a sports team as a child, you got a lot of experience keeping the bench warm.
4. Honestly, you much preferred the comfort of the bench over the rare, terrifying times you were sent in to play.
5. You felt bad for making your teammates suffer with you.
6. So you didn't blame them for picking you last for gym class teams.
7. Especially since you were always stuck in the least valuable position, anyhow.
8. The games of tag that you played at recess scarred you for life.
9. And you couldn't wait to get out of school to the real world, where sports are left to the trained professionals.
10. Still to this day, you legitimately panic at the words, "Here, catch!"
11. So you expect your friends and family to know better, because you're so over trying to intercept death objects being hurled at your face.
12. And you dread the day you hear "Heads up!" when you happen to be passing by a basketball court.
13. You awkwardly nod along when your friends talk about their workout sessions, because you've never had a gym membership in your life.
14. On the rare occasions you have actually been inside a gym, you had no idea what to do with all those levers and ropes.
15. So you've given up on eating jarred foods when you're home alone, because you have no grip or upper body strength.
16. Running is equally as stress-inducing, because you know you're doing it wrong.
17. And you absolutely refuse to run unless you are facing imminent death, and even then, it's questionable.
I would be the first person to die in a horror film, I refuse to spend my last minutes running. Fuck that.
Being late or getting rained on are NOT good enough reasons for running.
18. When your athletic friends gracefully hop a fence, you slowly walk the long way around.
19. And at this point, you're basically a professional scorekeeper for their amateur sports games.
20. Nothing terrifies you more than someone suggesting Frisbee in the park.
21. Except for maybe the thought of your upcoming company field day.
22. And you know you're doing the world a favor by just sticking to strategy board games as your preferred sport.
