1. There is no such thing as a no-fee apartment.
2. Brooklyn and Queens really do have more space…
3. …and Manhattan really doesn’t have any. At all.
*Unless you’re rich.
4. If a packed subway rolls by, and you see an empty car, you didn’t just make an amazing discovery.
Stick with the herd.
6. If you’re going to need to take the G, you might as well walk.
7. Amazingly, EVERYONE in New York lives off the WORST subway line.
9. A cab is only taking fares when the top is lit…
10. …but even if the top is lit, that doesn’t mean it will stop for you.
11. The Hudson River = Jersey. The East River = Brooklyn/Queens.
Also, the East River is EAST of Manhattan so, like, duh.
16. The Verizon logo is a filthy scourge on an otherwise pristine Manhattan skyline.
17. Calling someone “bridge and tunnel” is just about the worst insult there is.
19. As do rats.
20. Thrift stores are not just for the thrifty.
21. Everyone single is on OkCupid…
24. …Or some other dating website/app/clandestine love portal.
25. When in doubt, wear black.
26. You will discuss the weather with no fewer than three people every day.
27. When it’s raining, moving from Starbucks to Starbucks is actually more efficient than carrying an umbrella.
28. You don’t cook as much as you tell people you do.
30. …which is why New York bagels are the best tasting bagels!
33. …but will also be the cause of your ultimate demise.
35. …unless it’s at Trader Joe’s.
I mean…COOKIE BUTTER. AMIRIGHT?!