1. Voodoo Booty Enhancement Spell
Presumably this involves performing liposuction on a voodoo doll of Nicki Minaj?
2. A lipstick print of this nice lady’s anus
For people who like exotic flowers.
3. Family Film Box Set
I dread to think what the sequel to ‘Fart The Movie’ is called.
4. Some fancy footwear
Who needs Manolo Blahniks? These are a steal at £4.99.
5. An artist’s envisioning of Adolf Hitler shirtless
Probably not great as a Bar Mitzvah present though.
6. The same artist’s interpretation of the naked female form
Is that Heather from Eastenders?
7. Happiness stolen from two young children
Description reads: “We are selling 8 Beyblades, 2 of them light up. As you can tell they are not happy about this! They have been using their bathtub as a “battle arena” and Beyblades + Bathstube = Destruction!! …They had approxamently $125.67 in their piggy banks that will be going toward the cost [of replacing the bathtub]”
A jar of their tears is also for sale.
8. Tickets to a top sporting event
Stars refusing to believe they’re past their best
9. A donation to a worthwhile cause
Cancer Research and the NSPCC are so passé. The person who has everything will only want to donate to things that can…errr…make a real difference.
10. A chic coin purse
Made from REAL frog.
11. A possibly drunk gnome
It’s not even night time and he’s already mooning.
12. The latest iPad
Although you should expect to pay more than $5 for it.
13. Or maybe you’d prefer a slightly cheaper Android tablet
At least you never have to charge a drawing.
14. An Aston Martin
0-60mph in roughly 7 and a half minutes.
15. A rare musical instrument
Do you want that gift wrapped?
16. A one of a kind iPhone
Jony Ive’s had a nervous breakdown.