19 Greatest TV Bartenders Of All Time

Ranking the fictional bartenders we all wish were real.

Sometimes you want to go where you know every bartender's name. Here are the best bartenders in the history of TV (limit one per show).

19. Sarah from "Parenthood"

Via fanpop.com

What to order: Guinness

How to make small talk: Talk about Broadway plays. Don't talk about ex-husbands.

18. Georgie Santorelli from "The Sopranos"

What to order: Scotch

Small talk: It's really best that you don't talk to Georgie, especially if Tony's around.

17. iZac from "Futurama"

Via grub.gunaxin.com

What to order: The ol' P&J (pennzoil and jagermeister)

Small talk: Cheap beer and roulette

16. Carl from "How I Met Your Mother"

Via fuckyeahhowimetyourmother.tumblr.com

What to order: Shots

Small talk: Compliment his shot-making ability.

15. Tara from "True Blood"

Via ew.com

What to order: Beer. But maybe don't bother her?

Small talk: Bring up how great Sookie is. Or how terrible she is (depending on the season).

14. Horace from "Family Guy"

Via planet-familyguy.com

What to order: Pawtucket Patriot

Small talk: Ask what it's like to get shot.

13. Donna (Michael's girlfriend) from "The Office"

What to order: Gin and tonic

Small talk: Ask her for fitness pointers. Don't ask her about her husband.

12. Sweet Dee from "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"

Via jonservo.tumblr.com

What to order: Beer. And another beer.

Small talk: Ugh, the gang. What a bunch of boners.

11. Buddy Garrity from "Friday Night Lights"

What to order: Bud.

Small talk: Dillon FOOTBALL.

(Ed. note: from Season 5.)

10. Nick Miller from "New Girl"

Via screenspy.com

What to order: A girlie drink

How to make small talk: Mention zombies. Or just say, "Ugh, why does everything suck?" (He'll fill in the rest.)

9. Harry Snowden from "All in the Family"

What to order: Schlitz

Small talk: Small talk?

8. Quark from "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine"

Via subspacecommunique.com

What to order: A Samarian sunset

Small talk: Mention how hot Cardassian women are.

7. Isaac Washington from "The Love Boat"

What to order: Something made in a blender and garnished with an umbrella

Small talk: Compliment his fantastic mustache.

6. Steve Brady from "Sex and the City"

scorpiant.tumblr.com

What to order: Glass of red wine

Small talk: Basketball and dogs

5. Guinan from "Star Trek: Next Generation"

What to order: Aldebaran whiskey. Or prune juice, if you're Klingon.

Small talk: Say that you too have an interest in fencing and bald men.

4. Butchie from "The Wire"

hbosthewire.tumblr.com

What to order: Natty Boh

Small talk: Politely ask for advice.

3. Woody from "Cheers"

What to order: Beer, in a mug

Small talk: Whatever you like

2. Moe from "The Simpsons"

Via v-q.tumblr.com

What to order: Duff

Small talk: Ask about his time being one of the original Little Rascals, or his boxing career.

1. Al Swearengen from "Deadwood"

What to order: Whiskey

Small talk: Whiskey

Honorable Mention: Roger Sterling from "Mad Men"