19 Greatest TV Bartenders Of All Time

Ranking the fictional bartenders we all wish were real. posted on

Sometimes you want to go where you know every bartender’s name. Here are the best bartenders in the history of TV (limit one per show).

2. 19. Sarah from “Parenthood”

What to order: Guinness
How to make small talk: Talk about Broadway plays. Don’t talk about ex-husbands.

3. 18. Georgie Santorelli from “The Sopranos”

What to order: Scotch
Small talk: It’s really best that you don’t talk to Georgie, especially if Tony’s around.

4. 17. iZac from “Futurama”

What to order: The ol’ P&J (pennzoil and jagermeister)
Small talk: Cheap beer and roulette

5. 16. Carl from “How I Met Your Mother”

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What to order: Shots
Small talk: Compliment his shot-making ability.

6. 15. Tara from “True Blood”

Via ew.com

What to order: Beer. But maybe don’t bother her?
Small talk: Bring up how great Sookie is. Or how terrible she is (depending on the season).

7. 14. Horace from “Family Guy”

What to order: Pawtucket Patriot
Small talk: Ask what it’s like to get shot.

8. 13. Donna (Michael’s girlfriend) from “The Office”

What to order: Gin and tonic
Small talk: Ask her for fitness pointers. Don’t ask her about her husband.

9. 12. Sweet Dee from “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”

What to order: Beer. And another beer.
Small talk: Ugh, the gang. What a bunch of boners.

10. 11. Buddy Garrity from “Friday Night Lights”

What to order: Bud.
Small talk: Dillon FOOTBALL.
(Ed. note: from Season 5.)

11. 10. Nick Miller from “New Girl”

What to order: A girlie drink
How to make small talk: Mention zombies. Or just say, “Ugh, why does everything suck?” (He’ll fill in the rest.)

12. 9. Harry Snowden from “All in the Family”

What to order: Schlitz
Small talk: Small talk?

13. 8. Quark from “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine”

What to order: A Samarian sunset
Small talk: Mention how hot Cardassian women are.

14. 7. Isaac Washington from “The Love Boat”

What to order: Something made in a blender and garnished with an umbrella
Small talk: Compliment his fantastic mustache.

15. 6. Steve Brady from “Sex and the City”

What to order: Glass of red wine
Small talk: Basketball and dogs

16. 5. Guinan from “Star Trek: Next Generation”

What to order: Aldebaran whiskey. Or prune juice, if you’re Klingon.
Small talk: Say that you too have an interest in fencing and bald men.

17. 4. Butchie from “The Wire”

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What to order: Natty Boh
Small talk: Politely ask for advice.

18. 3. Woody from “Cheers”

What to order: Beer, in a mug
Small talk: Whatever you like

19. 2. Moe from “The Simpsons”

What to order: Duff
Small talk: Ask about his time being one of the original Little Rascals, or his boxing career.

20. 1. Al Swearengen from “Deadwood”

What to order: Whiskey
Small talk: Whiskey

21. Honorable Mention: Roger Sterling from “Mad Men”

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