1.
They look at you weirdly because you're still waiting for your Hogwarts acceptance letter.
2.
They keep claiming they're huge fans of the films.
3.
They think Hermione was too good for Ron.
4.
And they don't understand how "children's stories" helped you through the tough times.
5.
They do an online quiz and get sorted into Slytherin.
6.
They can't do a basic "swish and flick."
7.
They say that Harry could have done it all without Ron and Hermione.
8.
They wonder why you cry EVERY SINGLE TIME your favourite characters died...
9.
...and then say, "It's just a book."
10.
They don't keel over and fake-die when you yell Avada kedavra at them.
11.
They don't throw everything they're holding into the air when you yell Expelliarmus at them.
12.
They confuse which of the Weasley twins died.
13.
They claim they don’t get goosebumps and intense feels when they re-read the series.
14.
They aren't even curious about what their Patronus might be.
15.
They confuse Dementors and Death Eaters all the time.
16.
They don't let you keep a Sorting Hat on your bedside table.
17.
They get mad when they lose their phone and you suggest that Nargles took it.
18.
They hate when you shout “10 points to Gryffindor!” every time they impress you in bed.
19.
And they reeeally don't appreciate your post-sex "Mischief managed!"
20.
They think Cho Chang was better for Harry than Ginny.
21.
They hate the fact that your room is riddled — get it? — with memorabilia.
22.
They don't acknowledge you when you're speaking in Parseltongue.
23.
They judge you for yelling Accio when you’re too lazy to get the remote.
24.
They don't agree that going to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter is a fun trip for everybody.
25.
They don't turn on their phone flashlight when you yell Lumos at them.
26.
They compare Harry Potter to other fandoms and say, "It's kinda the same 'cept with magic, right?"
27.
They don't even understand the rules of Quidditch.
28.
They say that Snape was a bad guy.
30.
They think spending an evening in, and trying to make Butterbeer, is a total waste of time.
31.
They say that Alfonso Cuarón's best movie is Gravity.
32.
They hate when you attempt to solve their conundrums with vague Dumbledore quotes.
33.
They aren't moved to tears when you praise them using Rowling's descriptions of various characters.
34.
They don't understand why "Always" is the single most romantic word in the whole, entire English language.
35.
And most importantly, these aren't the best friends they grew up with.
