What Modern Witch Characters Can Learn From The Witches Of The 90’s

Because we’re pretty sure “crying all the time” isn’t a supernatural power. posted on

1. Witches are making a comeback.

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2. But the witches of 2013 are too broody.


3. Because sex and magical powers is hard and stuff.

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Every Witch Movie/TV Show Now:
“OMG looks like I’m an age where society deems me a woman even though I’m a teenager still”
“Yes, and also you’re a witch. We’re all witches and it somehow never came up.”
“OMG I’m sad and conflicted about this! I’m gonna cry!”
insert allusions to fetishized lesbianism

4. Why are you sad all the time, witches of 2013? YOU ARE MAGIC!

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If I had magical powers, I would only use them to literally go from drab to fab. And that’s it.

5. Hey, the dark witch thing is not new. But it used to be FUN!

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Just repeat this simple mantra: What Would Fairuza Balk Do?

6. What’s with all the black? You’re a witch, not a cliche.

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In Teen Witch, Louise’s true power was perfect hair feathering.

7. Of course, you still need to handle your business. But do it with style.

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Prue from Charmed was broody and serious too. She died. And was replaced by Rose McGowan. #cautionarytale

8. Magic lets you do anything, so remember to treat yo self.

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9. Why stress over “one true love”? Get down with your magical fabulousness and play the field!

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This witch was, like, 400 years old when she married Mr. Big.

10. Why stress at all? Your powers can do almost anything.

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But sometimes, you just can’t save people from themselves.

11. Take a page from 90’s witches, and have some fun!

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Somebody make a damn pun!

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