What Modern Witch Characters Can Learn From The Witches Of The 90’s

Because we’re pretty sure “crying all the time” isn’t a supernatural power.

1. Witches are making a comeback.

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2. But the witches of 2013 are too broody.


3. Because sex and magical powers is hard and stuff.

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Every Witch Movie/TV Show Now:
“OMG looks like I’m an age where society deems me a woman even though I’m a teenager still”
“Yes, and also you’re a witch. We’re all witches and it somehow never came up.”
“OMG I’m sad and conflicted about this! I’m gonna cry!”
*insert allusions to fetishized lesbianism*

4. Why are you sad all the time, witches of 2013? YOU ARE MAGIC!

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If I had magical powers, I would only use them to literally go from drab to fab. And that’s it.

5. Hey, the dark witch thing is not new. But it used to be FUN!

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Just repeat this simple mantra: What Would Fairuza Balk Do?

6. What’s with all the black? You’re a witch, not a cliche.

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In Teen Witch, Louise’s true power was perfect hair feathering.

7. Of course, you still need to handle your business. But do it with style.

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Prue from Charmed was broody and serious too. She died. And was replaced by Rose McGowan. #cautionarytale

8. Magic lets you do anything, so remember to treat yo self.

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9. Why stress over “one true love”? Get down with your magical fabulousness and play the field!

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This witch was, like, 400 years old when she married Mr. Big.

10. Why stress at all? Your powers can do almost anything.

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But sometimes, you just can’t save people from themselves.

11. Take a page from 90’s witches, and have some fun!

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Somebody make a damn pun!

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