2. 2. I Drive Myself Crazy (Comparing My Personal and Professional Successes to Those of My Peers)
3. 3. It’s Gonna Be Me (Who Gets Mugged, According to All the Articles My Mother Emails Me)
4. 4. I Want You Back (But I’ve Had Several Drinks So Please Disregard This Text You Know What Just Come Over It’s Fine Feelings Aren’t Real Until They Are)
6. 6. God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You (Or Maybe it Was A Different Deity Or Maybe it was Nothing I Honestly Don’t Know What I Believe Anymore Sorry Mom and Dad Thank You for That Expensive Bat Mitzvah it Was Really Fun)
8. 8. This I Promise You (Someday I Will Stop Stealing Small Unnoticeable Bits of My Roommates’ Food While They’re Sleeping)
9. 9. No Strings Attached (Is a Romantic Policy That Works Zero Percent of The Time)
10. 10. It Makes Me Ill (That You Made That Face After I Said I’m A Feminist)
11. 11. Just Got Paid (Above Minimum Wage for the First Time Since Graduating And I Still Can’t Afford My Apartment)
Here Are The Top Stories
- Officials released new footage proving Sandra Bland was "alive and well" when her mugshot was taken to counter social media rumors that she was deceased in the photo.
- The U.S. will release Israeli spy Jonathan Pollard after 30 years. The move isn't tied to the Iran nuclear deal, American officials say.
- The NFL has upheld Tom Brady's four-game suspension for his alleged involvement with the deflation of footballs 🏈