anandak

This is a rant 'About me'. This is basically how it is. I start doing something new, and it sure looks as if I'm pretty good at it. I run circles around other people who are starting out the same time as me. But apparently, I can never improve my skills further beyond that. Eventually everybody else begins to show signs of improvement, showcasing ability levels that far surpass my own, and I get left behind. I used to talk a lot less than before. I have figured out that a lot of thing I tend to say don't really have much purpose at all. Either that or they don't make sense. I look stupid saying them. Still, even when I do speak up, it's hard to get anybody's attention. I don't blame them. I wouldn't take myself seriously, either. It seems I'm not worth the respect. Yes, I quite clearly possess some eccentricities. I have more shortcomings than the average person, too. I tend to make more mistakes, dive into matters recklessly, and pay less attention. I suspect it's the ADHD, but then again I'm just making excuses for myself. I find it very hard to accept who I am, and I always strive to do better. I set high expectations for myself, because I fear disappointing others. I vowed to excel at everything I do. It's been years since this resolution, but, as expected, I don't appear to have changed a single bit. It's like I said. I don't seem to be getting better no matter how hard I try. It's the same for everything I do. The disappointment still keeps piling up. So shun me. Ostracize me. Call me an emo. Call me a loser. That's exactly what I am. Nothing I can say can argue that. But whatever it is you think of me, I'm not giving up. I'll keep trying right till the end, because it is the only thing I know how to do. Try. And no taking the easy way out for me, either. Maybe I'll get a breakthrough one day. Until then, I'll just have to fruitlessly struggle on. Why oh why does it always have to be me. It is so stupid, so shameful, so absurd. No matter how much I regret, I do not learn. How can I not be this negative about life after all that has happened? This was a rant. Not a profile description.

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