Few stories warm the heart like a piece of journalism by the Daily Mail’s Samantha “I’m So Hot” Brick. Brick, who was vilified some weeks ago for writing about how she’s so gorgeous it’s practically burdensome to the entire world, is shaping up to be one of the most entertaining writers of the spring season. (I’m waiting to see if she’s just a fad, like Silly Bandz, or more permanent, like skinny jeans.) She’s back this week with a piece in the Mail about the conniving ways of French women, inspired by the France’s incoming first lady Valerie Trierweiler, who, Brick reports, epitomizes the evil ways of ALL French women. Brick, a true artiste of the English language, writes about French woman with striking passion and certainty. Some of her most entertaining sentences:
“I find them hostile and predatory, ever eager to humiliate their rivals and never batting a beautifully made-up eyelid about falling into bed with someone else’s man.”
“You will never find groups of French women bonding over a coffee together either.”
“I have been reduced to tears on numerous occasions by French women who feel no need to disguise their dislike of me.”
“I have received hate mail from women around the world, but none of it as vicious as that from French women. Much of their condemnation is unprintable and I have been stunned at their choice of language.”
“Humiliating rituals even included being weighed at a dinner party, where all the French women were discussing their weight quite openly, to check I really was the weight I claimed to be.”
But to Brick’s credit, who has the balls to lay it all out there like this? Vogue’s Diet Mom squirreled away her book deal and fled the spotlight during her spate of bad press about how sick it seemed to glorify the way she put her 7-year-old daughter on a diet in Vogue magazine. But Brick! She did the hated piece, and then her television interviews, and came back not long after with another piece she knows the world will hate. I’m not sure how much she believes what she writes versus how much she’s in it for shock value and her own amusement, but Snooki has been the sole arbiter of that kind of entertainment for too long. I’m on Team Brick.