Ryan Lochte’s Seldom Changing Face: A Tribute

Ryan Lochte. He has the lips of a guppy, the agility of a dolphin, the body of a man — and about as many facial expressions as a highly controlled public figure, like Mitt Romney (famous for: pensive stare) or Katie Holmes (famous for: that smirk). Let’s take a look at a few of the expressions in Our Manly Love Lochte’s emotional arsenal.

Clive Rose / Getty Images

Expression One: The “Am I as Awesome as I Think I Am?” Face.
Usage: Most commonly in the pool, after a match, as subject awaits his standing — and the attention of cameras from international media outlets who will undoubtedly ham up Subject’s rare sort of pansexual hotness. Also common when Subject awaits instruction from a coach.
Also Seen: When Subject is dry, either accepting a medal or getting psyched up before a race. Occasionally, the “Am I as Awesome as I Think I Am?” Face is the precursor to speaking to a fellow swimmer, most commonly Michael Phelps.
A Photo Catalog:

Cameron Spencer / Getty Images
TIM WIMBORNE / Reuters
MARTIN BUREAU / Getty Images
Cameron Spencer / Getty Images
TIM WIMBORNE / Reuters
Al Bello / Getty Images
JEFF HAYNES / Reuters
FREDERIC J. BROWN / Getty Images
Al Bello / Getty Images
Jamie Squire / Getty Images
Mark Humphrey / AP
FREDERIC J. BROWN / Getty Images
Al Bello / Getty Images
Al Bello / Getty Images
Jamie Squire / Getty Images
Jamie Squire / Getty Images

Expression Two: The “I Think I AM as Awesome as I Think I Am!” Face
Defined as: The early stages of a full smile or, quite simply, a grin; the right side of the mouth pulls up slightly more than the left for a smirk-y K-Holmes flavor.
Usage: Most commonly in the pool when results have been realized but not fully processed by subject.
Also seen: Maybe before or after sex? I wouldn’t know, but I imagine Subject having this reaction to taking a girl home or watching her walk out the door in the morning.
Photo catalog:

Al Bello / Getty Images
Al Bello / Getty Images
Clive Rose / Getty Images
Clive Rose / Getty Images
Al Bello / Getty Images
Michael Regan / Getty Images
David Phillip / AP
Mark J. Terrill / AP

Expression Three: The “Waiting to Inhale” Face.
Defined as: Mouth agape, lips either slightly or extremely askew, for the purpose of breathing while Subject swims faster than anyone in the whole world.
Usage: Always while swimming. It is the blowhole of Subject who is not a fish but has the most winning aquatic characteristics of one.
Also seen: Nowhere yet, unless Subject’s extreme feeding routine requires this sort of oral gymnastics?
Photo catalog:

Clive Rose / Getty Images
Clive Rose / Getty Images
Clive Rose / Getty Images
Michael Regan / Getty Images
Jamie Squire / Getty Images
JEFF HAYNES / Reuters
JEFF HAYNES / Reuters

Bonus Enjoyable Faces: The One-Offs

JEFF HAYNES / Reuters

YOU GO, RYAN! WE LOVE YOU!!

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