1. Conducting meetings in the bathroom — with everyone in separate stalls.
I have to imagine this is inevitable when office-wide cleanses commence, so why not just do a meeting or two from remote stalls in the bathroom just for the hell of it? Get it out of your system (pun intended) without forcing people to spend $210 on three days worth of juice.
2. Team-building step aerobics.
I always imagined bumping into co-workers (mainly bosses) at the gym would be one of the most awkward things ever, because you would be all sweaty and wearing your standard gym outfit, ideally consisting of a leotard and legwarmers — in other words, not nearly as many clothes as you usually wear to work. But this would still be better than “cleansing” your insides together for three hell-filled, solid food-free days as a team.
Probably the only thing more awkward than bumping into a boss at the gym would be bumping into a boss at watercize (or water aerobics, whatever you like to call it). You’d be wearing even LESS than you wear for dry working out. (Also, everyone knows the best companion for water aerobics is Mom and you don’t want to hurt Mom’s feelings.) But still, I’d rather very awkwardly bump into a work person at a watercize class than have to liquid diet with them for days.
4. Field day.
Field day is fun with friends, when you’re getting drunk, and all it really involves is a harmless game of cornhole. As a work activity it would probably be way to activity-y to be that enjoyable. Work field day would probably include a host of relays, like sack racing and all kinds of stuff you don’t feel like doing. It would probably also involve awkwardly watching the pale people sunburn as you wonder if it’s “your place” to say something about it. But still, field day >>>>>> office cleanses.
5. Eat Jell-O.
Jell-O is really gross (not the shots, just plain Jell-O that won’t even make you drunk) — but not as gross as three days of nonstop juice!
6. Laser tag.
Laser tag is one of those things people do when they need something to do, which naturally leads to a certain reluctance in the people who do it. But! It’s not as awkward as bonding with the people you work with over what happens to your bodily functions when you spend $200 to consume only juice for a few days.