'Twas a few nights after Christmas and all through the flat,
not a creature was stirring except the damn cat.
My sweatpants were on, cozy and warm,
in hopes for a quiet eve, nothing out of the norm.
I set nestled all snug on my settee,
while reruns of Bravo danced on TV.
And I with my tablet and a glass of merlot
had just settled in for another evening solo.
When from my phone there came a loud clang,
I shoved off the covers to see who had rang.
It took but a second, my phone always near
to accept the call and put it up to my ear.
"This better be quick," I thought as I uttered hello,
"I want to get back to my browsing, my texting, my shows."
When who to my burning ears should reply
but my dear old mother, eager to pry.
"Seeing anyone lately?" she asked off the bat.
"Have you tried online dating? Heard good things about that."
I told her I had, as we continued the call,
Plenty of Fish, eHarmony, I've tried them all.
Now Match! Now Tinder! Now MeetUp and JDate!
On Hinge, OKCupid, no Prince Charming awaits.
To every application! To every website I've been!
Mismatches and strikeouts, again and again.
Some awkward, some ugly, some just looking to screw,
and wouldn't ya know, those are the promising few!
Some spoke not a word, others all about work.
Even the best of them turned out to be jerks.
With that confession, I hung up the phone,
and gave pause to ponder the unknown.
It occurred to me, as I eased back into my seat,
despite my bad luck, there were still men left to meet!
So I thought to myself as I turned in for the night,
a new year's upon us and I just might swipe right!
Share This Article
