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1. People constantly ask, "Where have you been?" and "Do you still go here?" upon seeing you. On campus. So yes, I still go here.
2. The most common phrases uttered at all of your social functions are "We're so old,” "I'm gonna cry," and "This is the last time we'll ever do (said activity) together."
3. The only verb that remains on your college bucket list is "eat"... mostly at generic Mexican restaurants.
4. Your new pity line to get free drinks at the bars has something to do with the fact that you’re the oldest person in the room (or is this just me?). Also, you occasionally enjoy pretending that you’re a freshman, but only for a maximum of four minutes.
5. Hangovers can no longer be cured by inhaling a Five Guys cheeseburger and "getting out of bed." On the contrary, they require bed REST for 48 hours, prayers, 16 Advil, 10 glasses of coconut water, ice packs... and then a Five Guys cheeseburger.
6. You have "more important things to think about" at every moment, including that signed vow banning you from dating anyone younger than 25. (Me again? Okay, sorry.)
7. Your designated social media time is spent stalking the 40-something you're trying to score an interview with (rather than that kid you used to score with in other, more exciting ways).
8. For the most part, high school memories have all faded away... because the actual events happened approximately five to seven years ago.
9. Your previous habit of judging those who went to bed before midnight has become serious hypocrisy. 11 p.m.? Buenas noches, y’all.
10. You've had the revelation that you will probably never see most of your acquaintances again, and thus any concerns about your treatment of them no longer exist.
11. You’ve realized that studying is a legitimately painful experience, and that “senioritis” is an actual condition. (You knew this once before in your lifetime, but how could you possibly be expected to remember something that happened in high school?)
12. You no longer feel sentimental about walking by campus tours, but instead wonder if the staring visitors know that you were turning six before they were even born.
13. Going out mainly consists of discussions about where to late-night, rather than any actual socializing.
14. Whereas your wishes at 11:11 used to involve hooking up with so and so and getting asked on such and such date night, they are now just desperate pleas for interviews and job acceptances.
15. Your motivation to finally make a BuzzFeed post is an internship application. Because you need an internship. Because it’s time to just graduate already...
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