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1. Make a list of things you need to do and feel accomplished enough for simply making that list that there's no need to do any of the things on it.
2. Have pets.
3. Make big, wide-reaching plans and convince yourself with supreme confidence that you’re going to accomplish them “when you have enough time.”
4. Examine all of your physical flaws closely.
5. Have multiple internet-capable devices.
6. Be so bad at time-math that you constantly find yourself without time to actually accomplish things.
7. Have several favorite time-suck websites on your bookmarks bar, and always be willing to make room in your heart for a new one.
8. Accept that you love reality TV.
9. Be in a place with a fridge and pantry.
10. Don't bathe. It’s totally gross if you go out without showering, so don’t shower so you can’t go out because you’re not a gross person.
11. Think about careers you used to want as a child.
12. Put your phone on silent so you constantly have to check it.
13. Embrace your hypochondria.
14. And finally: Be curious - too curious.
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