Yes. I'm currently in a relationship with a woman, but I do not consider myself a lesbian.
We live in a label-obssessed world. If you're struggling to explain a person, place, or thing, one resorts to find the words that fit the description. It's pure categorization. Poor. Tall. Adventurous. Bible Thumper. Ugly. Pretentious. Bitch. Old. Reliable. White. Vulgar. Confident. Gay.
Once you've been handed a label, sub-categories and stereotypes begin to surface of what that label encompasses.
Society places you in a box with a one word explanation, but no one can be described in one word. Life is situational. We are strapped down into a roller coaster that has ups, downs, sharp turns, and dark tunnels. Whether your roller coaster ride goes on for 17 years or 8 decades, you will not be the same person you were at the beginning.
My senior year of high school, I had my first girlfriend. Wait, what? Up until this point I only dated guys and had a handful of boyfriends and male friends (people have needs). The point of this story is not how I thought I was in love or the hilariously unhealthy break up; but since that relationship started, I dodged, argued, and questioned the inevitable labels.
I was now categorized as a lesbian. I sat in my room trying to define my heart. Am I gay? Do I not like men anymore? I've played softball and enjoy a good pair of sweatpants, but does that mean I am now only allowed to like the same gender? Then it hit me. I don't know what I am, because I can't define myself into such simplistic terms. These are stereotypes mixed with ignorance. I'm multifaceted, dammit! I'm not on a slide, I'm on a roller coaster.
Fast forward to present time, 23 years old, about to graduate college, and I'm in the happiest relationship of my life. She is the epitome of sincerity, compassion, generosity, and has the most playful spirit. I've become a better person through her existence alone. My big coming out experience/revelation years ago gave me time to either accept or deny the stereotypes. In a way, I have had to come out again because my first relationship was so hush hush. I told my parents about my current girlfriend and their feedback left me torn.
Me: "I'm seeing someone.. and it's a girl."
Mom: "I have always told you that I'll love you either way, but have you always felt this way?"
Me: "I'm seeing someone.. and it's a girl."
Dad: "If that's who you are, then that's okay. You know I love you."
Disclaimer: I love my parents more than anything in the world and I'm overjoyed they responded how they did because it could have been worse. But even in their positive reactions, I was still frustrated. What do you mean "this way" or "who you are." How about, I'm in love and feel like the luckiest person on Earth to find someone who makes me feel like I'm constantly floating, with a heart that has been set on fire in the best way possible? It was annoying to reiterate how I still find men attractive and that my life has NOT been a lie up until this point. What have I been lying about? I wasn't lying, I was living.
My girlfriend has unfortunately been getting more of the negative reactions from her friends and family. Some of the comments are as follows:
"Well that makes sense because you aren't a romantic person."
"You have always been a tomboy."
"You never had a lot of boyfriends."
Excuse me, what? What does that mean? Lesbians aren't romantic? If you have tomboy qualities you flock to vagina? And so what if you haven't had a lot of boyfriends, I bet you saved a lot of money around the holidays.
Labels are dumb and I do not appreciate being placed in categories. I'm sure you don't either, unless it's a nice and positive label. Now, please note that I give credit to anyone who takes a label and completely owns it. If you enjoy the label and it gives you a sense of self, then more power to you. I know a lot of lesbians and I am not trying to minimize their self-expression. These are my feelings and not everyone will agree.
I do not consider myself a lesbian. I don't care if I fit the societal definition and emulate all of the stereotypes. Why must we define ourself? Why must others define us? Can't we just be people who like other people? Can't we just be? Exist in a world that accepts others for just being a person?
I'm not a lesbian, I'm alive.
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