1. The Stressed Out College Student
Most often surrounded by textbooks and an aura of overwhelming anxiety. It’s best to avoid them unless you want to hear them unload all of their problems on you.
2. The Professional
The Professional wants their coffee and often want it fast because they have places to be. If they decide to sit, they’ll talk loudly on the phone or text the entire time they’re there.
3. The Person With The Super-Complicated Order That Holds Up The Line
Literally the worst person ever.
Being stuck behind this person creates intense feelings of hatred that are rarely felt anywhere else.
5. Intern Getting Coffee For Their Boss
Distinguishable from The Professional by their frenzied mannerisms and desperation to get their boss’s order right. If you don’t stay out of their way, they might spill hot coffee on you.
6. Moms Escaping Their Kids
Usually in groups of two or more, Moms Escaping Their Kids attempt to seek solace through caffeine, shared struggles and a little piece and quiet.
7. Moms Who Can’t Escape Their Kids
The Moms Who Can’t Escape Their Kids just wanted a little coffee but were forced to bring their kids along. Unless their kids are well-behaved, prepare your eardrums for screams that echo throughout the entire shop.
8. The Hipster
The Hipster is usually reading a book with a pretentious title that they desperately want someone to ask them about so they can flaunt their superiority.
9. The Would-Be Novelist
If you ask them about their novel, they’ll go on a long and passionate description of their brilliant idea that is sure to be a bestseller. (Spoiler Alert: It won’t be.)
10. Jobless Young Adults Who Have Nothing Better To Do
Jobless Young Adults Who Have Nothing Better To Do surf the internet at coffee shops so they can hate themselves slightly less than they do surfing the internet at home.
11. The Cute Couple Who Makes You Want To Vomit
No one likes the Cute Couple That Makes You Want To Vomit. Their happiness and hand-holding makes everyone else uncomfortable and/or bitter.
12. Person You’re Not Sure Is Homeless Or Just Unkept
We all have bad days. The Person You’re Not Sure Is Homeless Or Just Unkept walks the fine line between not having showered in two days and being homeless.