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The Life Cycle Of A Call Center Agent

Let’s pretend it’s all worth it just for the stories you get to tell later.

1. So you’re looking for a job.

Well you will…you promise…just after you power-watch Orange is the new Black for the third time.

2. You spend hours scouring classifieds.

There has to be something out there that suits your charm and personality, and preferably doesn’t have a uniform.

3. You come across a couple of cool jobs.

Boutique store, flexible schedule, staff discount, located in trendy neighborhood!
Part-time, seasonal at minimum wage? Sorry, I’ll have to leave that one for the trust-fundians.

4. You’re almost ready to respond to that guy looking for a “secretary”

At least it pays well….

5. But you finally accept the job at the call center your cousin works at

It took her a long time to convince you….

6. Then you find out how much they’re willing to pay you

Who needs an education when you can afford rent AND car insurance?

7. But a few weeks in you’re already over it

Just tell yourself it’s not forever!

8. You really stop taking people seriously

I’m sorry, you think you shouldn’t have to pay your bill because your credit was so bad you shouldn’t have been given anything in the first place? Are you serious?

9. And some people just make you want to quit the world.

No, I don’t know what’s wrong with your computer, you called me about your credit card.

10. When people ask to speak to your manager they think you’re all going

NOT MY MANAGER! PLEASE!

11. When in reality, it’s more like this

You and your coworkers do this a lot, actually.

12. Every so often someone is really nice to you

It feels like cake. Like delicious cake.

13. Sometimes people think they know how to do your job

But they have absolutely no idea what they are talking about and it takes a good 5 minutes for them to stop talking so you can ask them.

14. And sometimes you have coworkers that don’t really work.

Excuse me, I understand that text conversation you’re having with that girl you met on POF is likely incredibly arousing and worth all of your time, but I’m taking 5 calls for every 1 you take and I’m just trying really hard not to smash your iPhone right now.

15. If you’re lucky, you’ll meet awesomely cynical people just like you!

And share hilarious stories about the misfortunes of miserable people

16. But you’ll likely forget how to socialize outside of work

and it gets really awkward.

17. Someday you’ll give your two weeks notice

And you’ll get to rejoice in not having to give a single fuck about who you’re talking to

18. Try to leave on good terms

Even if you want to smash the place to pieces

19. You could probably do a little dance on the way out

I don’t think anyone would blame you

20. Then peel outta there like the world is your oyster

Adios, bitches!

21. There’s only one problem…

You’re now incredibly qualified to work in customer service, and nothing else.

Good luck out there!!

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