8 Portraits Of Politicians Hanging In Parliament, Rated

This was not written by a professional art critic.

1. Harold Wilson

2/10.

Ever since a terrible accident involving some blue toxic chemicals, “Pipeman” has vowed to bring down Gotham’s Dark Knight.

2. Iain Duncan Smith

9/10.

Not the Quiet Man. This is the pose of a man who’s about to do the deed on a one-night stand, and is standing before his intended in just his socks, asking what she thinks of what he’s got for her. Ian’s going to get positive feedback. Department of Work and Pensions meetings are held under this picture. How, we don’t know.

3. Diane Abbott

7/10.

No idea who posed for this, but she was a) topless and b) not Diane Abbott.

4. Robin Cook (and dogs)

1/10.

This is the best ever picture of Robin Cook done by a 12-year-old using MS Paint.

5. Tony Benn

6/10.

Lots of subtle details here: a bust of Marx, a mug with ‘red tape’ given as a gift by a trade union leader, a blood sample to prove he has blue blood, a chair once owned by Keir Hardie, and squid-like appendages instead of hands.

6. Margaret Thatcher

4/10.

Benn’s arch-nemesis looks like a stunned Streetfighter 2 character about to be hit by a car with its headlights on full beam.

7. Baron Falconer of Thoroton

6/10.

Tony Blair’s former flatmate doesn’t get a terrible picture. But it’s very posed. “Hey girl. Why don’t you come into my weirdly-proportioned Lord Chancellor’s room with its wonky vanishing point and let me show you the strong arm of the law? Yeah girl.”

8. Kenneth Clarke

5/10.

A great picture of Ken Clarke if Ken Clarke was made out of corned beef.

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