1. Everything you need to know about the British version of modeling competition The Face can be summed up in this GIF of Naomi Campbell riding a CGI plane.
By which, I mean, the show is AMAZING.
2. Suddenly the plane is a real plane. And Naomi is disembarking!
3. Now she’s getting into a car. This is a real car, don’t worry.
It might not be driving her anywhere, but we can all imagine that. Can’t we?
4. Meanwhile, lots of would-be model supermodels are also on their way to the auditions. They have to walk though.
5. Anyway, back to Naomi. Here she is with fellow judges Erin O’Connor and Caroline Winberg.
Erin and Caroline are both great.
If they keep it up, they might just get GIF recaps to their name in future! After all, at the moment Naomi does have more experience than both combined. (Which is a fact you can be damn sure she mentions during the premiere.)
6. Just to note, though: when the three mentors walk in to meet the show’s contestants, Caroline and Erin are a solid five paces behind Naomi.
Let’s not even pretend that’s a coincidence.
7. Purely gratuitous camera pan up Naomi’s outfit. She’s nodding, because she knows she looks good.
8. The models begin their auditions. Naomi is impatient.
9. Welsh beauty queen Sophie turns up and Naomi looks like this:
Why? Because the last time a beauty queen appeared on The Face, things got awkward post-show.
Spoiler: Sophie does not make it onto Team Naomi. Or onto anyone’s team in fact. She is sad about that, but (maybe) Naomi is relieved.
10. But then crazy posho Chloe-Jasmine shows up with her crazy wig and makes Naomi laugh. So that’s nice.
Here is Chloe-Jasmine’s tragic wig.
It’s from Harrods, apparently. But still. A brief note to Chloe-Jasmine’s fans: savor her. She probably won’t last long.
11. And then another contestant reminds Naomi of herself, which allows for a GENIUS moment of a young Naomi popping up on a quintessentially ’90s news show.
Young Naomi = stunning. But then, present day Naomi also = stunning. That’s maths for you!
Following the first round of auditions, the remaining hopefuls show off their runway walks. Naomi demonstrates.
12. Naomi OWNS the catwalk.
13. Meanwhile, Erin and Caroline watch and probably feel a little awkward inside.
Or maybe they’re thinking about bagels. I’m thinking about bagels right now.
14. It’s the models’ turn to show off their walks. Naomi pretends to be nervous.
Why would Naomi be nervous? IDGI.
15. And as it happens, the runway walks all suck. One sucks so bad Naomi has a giggle fit.
Bonus: Erin’s delightful derp-face.
Naomi is still laughing. So much it has brought her to tears.
These tears could well be staged, however. I was lucky enough to go and watch an afternoon’s filming of The Face earlier this summer and can confirm that Naomi had a makeup artist present at any/all points upon which a touch-up may have proved necessary.
16. And that’s enough of the runway stuff. Now it’s time for Naomi, Erin and Caroline to pick their teams. First though, Naomi has to let out a stealthy fart.
OMG I’m kidding, she’s viewing a model’s photo that is particularly edgy/fierce/stunning/odd.
I kind of can’t process the fact that I just made a Naomi Campbell fart joke.
Not sure if that’s ok or not. But #ohwell. I’m still Team Naomi.
17. The first successful contestant doesn’t choose Naomi as her mentor. Cue this reaction:
18. AND SOME SIDE EYE. FUCK YES SIDE EYE.
19. But then models left, right and center start picking Naomi. As they should. Naturally she taunts her fellow mentors, playfully.
And she smirks.
This is a high fashion smirk. Live it, love it, own it.
20. Yay! Team Naomi!
21. In fact, Naomi is the first mentor to fill her team with four model contestants. Here she is doing a celebratory dance.
22. And now here she is laying down the law to her team.
23. She’s a big fan of taking notes, apparently. So her team all get their own notebook!
That’s because reading is fundamental, and so is writing.
The Face airs on Monday evenings on Sky Living in the U.K.
It’s a must-watch, particularly once the eliminations start next week and the competition really gets heated.