1. Brushing those jail sentences aside, Dolce & Gabbana presented a strong collection rich with intricate prints of Greco-Roman sculpture and paintings.
Quintessentially Mediterranean imagery has been a design feature consistent in the label's recent menswear collections.
2. Also delightfully consistent: shirtless men.
From the show's finale, which is definitely worth watching via the brand's now-archived livestream.
Oh, yes, and there was that streaker in sneakers.
And only sneakers, obviously. The event, while Instagram-worthy, proved to be a bit of a flash in the fashion pan. (Emphasis: flash). By the following day's shows, the stunt barely featured in showgoers' conversations.
3. Ever the trendsetter, Donatella Versace took inspiration from this.
Versace's buff models walked with strips of kinesiology tape accentuating their already enviable muscles.
4. In more fun audience reactions: At least one guest at the show made a motion as if to clap for this jumpsuit, but then stopped themselves just in time.
5. Makeup artist Pat McGrath later tweeted this shot of "#TheLook" from the show, and I think it's fair to say no one is bothered that no makeup appears to be on display.
#TheLook at @Versace Men's Spring 2014 #MFW xx
Pat McGrath
@patmcgrathreal
#TheLook at @Versace Men's Spring 2014 #MFW xx
6. Also: When I purchased a bottle of Diet Coke from a Milanese newsstand, the vendor exclaimed "aah, Versace!" enthusiastically and proceeded to show me the waistband of his Versace boxer briefs.
7. I'm still in love with the Prada show and its jaunty lounge music.
Prada's inspirations: "[exploring] the cliché of the exotic — and the cliché of summer."
8. Those guys from your freshman-year classes who'd always layer long-sleeved tees under their sporty polos? They're on trend, all of a sudden.
9. Oh, and Miuccia included a small selection of womenswear looks in her menswear collection, because you can bring the unusual to the runway without the unusual involving Pixie-Stix couture and teacup piglets.
10. Former YSL designer Stefano Pilati presented his debut menswear collection for Ermenegildo Zegna.
Because this is Stefano's outfit. If there'd have only been one or two other bearded models on the runway, he'd have fit right in.
11. Yes, that is a small child DRESSED ALL IN WHITE sitting front row.
12. Also, these models appeared to have ripped down some of the backstage modesty curtains.
13. Anna Dello Russo attended the Salvatore Ferragamo show in bright pink ostrich feathers. Very restrained, by her standards.
14. For some strange reason, Glee's Mark Salling also showed up. Very few people seemed to recognize him (without his character's Mohawk, that is).
15. Some better-quality front-row bait: male model Godfrey Gao.
Let's pause to appreciate Godfrey a little bit.
This is a nice pause, isn't it?
And: kittens!
16. And back to tenuous celebrity connections at Ferragamo: One awful hairstyle made this poor model look like he's wearing one of Rihanna's old flat-ironed wigs.
17. And though the show was otherwise clean-cut and well-received, these sandals are a no:
18. Meanwhile, the Missoni show included models with scraggly beards.
19. This wonderful gold suit closed the Costume National Homme show.
20. Fun fact: When you search for "Costume National Homme" on Getty Images right now, this is one of the first results.
21. Speaking of: Isabeli Fontana opened Philipp Plein's show and pulled the lever on a giant slot machine. What fun!
Plein's first model then opened the show with some GIF-worthy (bad) dance moves.
The audience? All clapping, because hot guys warrant applause regardless.
22. Sadly there was to be no more dancing, as Plein's show continued in all its "bad-boy Bieber" glory.
Plein also showed more underwear, because why should Dolce & Gabbana get to have all the fun?
23. And that model who looks like Jon Snow showed up looking like he'd come right off a DSquared2 catwalk from seasons past.
24. Whereas this fine fellow from the Trussardi show looked like he'd walked straight off the cover shoot for one of those extra-risqué Harlequin novels.
25. The New York Times ran a fascinating piece last week on the prestige that comes with a spot in the Calvin Klein Collection runway show.
Models in a Calvin Klein show are placed under exclusive contracts that restrict them from appearing on any other runways; are flown to Milan; put up in hotels rather than the overcrowded crash pads that are standard model housing; and paid for their time and talents at a figure experts estimate at about $10,000, a particularly lavish sum when the industry standards have dwindled. Many male models can now hope to earn no more than 350 euros (or about $454 at the current exchange rate) to appear on top runways.
Most of those "exclusives" in the the sky blue–themed show: prototypical Aryan farm boys, a little gaunt from all their hard work in the fields.
But both the show's black models (yes: there were two) have walked in other men's shows this season, though.
26. Jil Sander teased us all with the possibility of Milanese men in skirts — sure, this sort of madness is prevalent in London, but try telling Italians it's kilt or be killed...
27. And alongside a collection full of black-and-white checkerboard prints, Neil Barrett presented the short suit all fashion-forward lumberjacks will be clamoring for next spring.
28. Vivienne Westwood just loved Dame Maggie Smith's performance in The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, so her latest menswear collection came with a distinctive, if refined, Indian flavor.
29. And some man jewelry for good measure.
30. Ever the provocateur, some of Westwood's models also walked with badges featuring Bradley Manning's photo and the word "TRUTH" in bold white letters.
Invites to the show featured the same photo of Manning — perhaps a primer for well-known guests, many of whom seemed to have suitably generic and not sound bite–worthy responses ready for the inevitable "Are you team Bradley?" questions posed by press in attendance.
If you were hoping for clueless fashion folk to say, "Oh, yes, I love what he's doing with knitwear this season," then you'd be disappointed.
Here's a photo from backstage at Vivienne Westwood just because.
And Westwood also took her bow wearing one of the badges. She wore a similar badge (in a plastic sleeve, to avoid any water damage) to last month's Met Ball.
Dame Vivienne has championed Manning consistently since his recent, trial-centric return to the headlines.
View this video on YouTube
"Dear Bradley Manning, poor little sod, he's fantastic." Warm words indeed.
And her dedicating her show to his cause brought about perhaps the first fashion-themed tweet from hacktivist collective Anonymous.
Vivienne Westwood dedicates latest menswear collection to Bradley Manning http://t.co/Pw8cHdxjID
Anonymous
@YourAnonNews
Vivienne Westwood dedicates latest menswear collection to Bradley Manning http://t.co/Pw8cHdxjID
31. And then the cricket player models at Thom Browne's Moncler Gamme Bleu show all wore black lipstick.
Let's be honest, cricket is incredibly boring. If a little bit of makeup livens things up when you're sick of waiting in the outfield for someone to actually hit the damn ball, it's for the best.
And considering Chanel's recent resort collection, cricket pads will beat out even ridiculous sandals as next year's most terrible trend.
