29 Things Chanel Expects You To Wear To The Beach*

*Well, to the beach, on a cruise, at some fancy tropical resort etc. The luxury label recently premiered its 2014 resort collection at a special runway show in Singapore.

1. Chic printed sweat suits.

Just because they have a tied waistband doesn’t mean you can veg out, though.

ID: 1159341

2. Matching his and hers looks.

ID: 1159069

3. Leather biker gloves.

ID: 1159060

4. And voluminous pants that would certainly cause an accident if you actually wore them while riding a motorbike.

They’d get caught in the wheels or something — or just get all grimy, and that’s a terrible thing to have happen to your Chanel.

ID: 1159079

5. Something that’s been through a shredder.

Note the matching shredded gloves, please.

ID: 1159097

6. Chain-link mini dresses that will only bring you misery.

Misery in the form of illogical tan lines.

ID: 1159348

7. And this intricately beaded neckline.

Also putting the wearer at risk of illogical tan lines. But in this case, it’d be worth it.

ID: 1159084

8. Slouchy loungewear and lots of pearls.

To be fair, this is perfect in a “Lucille Bluth at a tiki bar” kind of way.

ID: 1159139

9. Slouchy eveningwear and lots of pearls.

Also perfect in a “Lucille Bluth back at the tiki bar for dinner after a quick change” kind of way.

ID: 1159138

10. This actually cute-looking ensemble.

ID: 1159346

11. And this floral romper suit.

Also cute.

ID: 1159349

12. Hangover sunglasses.

ID: 1159943

13. This jacket that will make you look like a member of the vacation resort’s concierge staff.

ID: 1159936

14. Some cricket whites! To go with your Chanel-branded cricket bat, of course.

Cricket whites are actually the worst thing ever, except for possibly cricket itself.

ID: 1159054

15. And cricket pads, as if cricket is actually cool these days.

Sorry, but no. Too many painful school sports lesson memories. Cricket is not going to happen, Karl Lagerfeld, it is NOT. I forbid it.

ID: 1159103

16. Still more cricket-themed separates.

A chunky knit sweater could maybe be OK for an evening’s bonfire on the beach, but that’s it.

ID: 1159340

17. The top half of one of your grandmother’s old twinsets.

ID: 1159343

18. Denim. Lots of denim.

ID: 1159145

19. Striped denim.

ID: 1159105

20. Oh, and some embroidered denim too.

ID: 1159345

21. Midriff-baring gypsy blouses.

ID: 1159081

22. And why stop at midriff-baring when you can just abandon shirts entirely?

But throw a leather blazer on top, you know, for decency reasons.

ID: 1159351

23. Jewelry chunky enough to weigh you down at sea.

Don’t even risk an inflatable in the hotel pool — it’s not worth it.

ID: 1159938

24. Some tweed!

It is Chanel, after all.

ID: 1159935

25. Cropped trench coats. Why not?

ID: 1159342

26. In other outerwear: this textured leather coatdress.

ID: 1159086

27. Some sort of sequined, hooded evening gown.

For the stylish pagan holiday-maker, just perhaps?

ID: 1159100

28. The dressing gown you know you’ll be stealing from your hotel room/cabin.

ID: 1159937

29. And an actual swimsuit! Just the one, mind you. And it’s paired with heels.

ID: 1159352

Meanwhile, this is what Karl will be wearing.

His “beach suit.”

ID: 1159432

See the full Chanel 2014 resort collection at

ID: 1159969

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